


rubies

by gotchick



Category: VIXX
Genre: Fluff, M/M, daddy kink in later chapters, sugar baby ravi, sugar daddy hongbin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-18 22:57:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10626894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotchick/pseuds/gotchick
Summary: on the orders of his boss taekwoon, wonshik is sent to seduce the ceo of a rival company, lee hongbin.





	1. Chapter 1

It all started with Wonshik’s ridiculous desire to impress Taekwoon. If not for that, he would never have met Hongbin.

He was twenty-five and nursing a secret crush on his boss, CEO and heir of Jung Enterprises, had been for four years since Taekwoon picked him off the streets as a scruffy, homeless brat getting roughed up in gang fights like a stray alley cat. Taekwoon had been the annoyingly kind, nosy stranger he fought back too at first, feeling outraged and mortified by what he saw as pity from this intimidatingly statuesque, regal-looking _chaebol_ son with his sleek shiny black Mercedes and his camel Gucci trench coat.

But Taekwoon had overpowered him, chipped away at him slowly with stern but gruffly warm words and eventually Wonshik had let down his guard, wary but tired. Secretly, he felt relieved to receive his first shelter ever since he was disowned by his parents and left home in disgrace, falling further and further into destitution.

He never voiced it out, but he had grown to trust Taekwoon and his personal assistant who acted more like a manservant. From the very first day Taekwoon brought Wonshik home, he was almost always shadowed by the quiet and docile-looking man with a warm smile. Hakyeon was subservient and respectful to Taekwoon and seldom spoke unless necessary, as befitting a discreet subordinate, but in contrast to Taekwoon’s subdued reticence his significantly more cheerful brightness stood out. He took an immediate liking to Wonshik the night he opened the door of Taekwoon’s house in burgundy silk pajamas, his eyes widening, and it was difficult for Wonshik to reject his earnestly extended friendship.

Taekwoon had taken Wonshik in, literally, to live under the roof of his sprawling, breathtakingly extravagant mansion. Hakyeon, who lived there too and had his own room, nursed Wonshik back to health with the stable of maids and staff. Wonshik was given his own room, the most modest in the house but still obscenely luxurious.

When he was well enough, Taekwoon arranged for him to start work at the company. He gave Wonshik a junior position, ostensibly as an assistant but technically more of an exclusive errand boy for the boss, who was Taekwoon, of course.

Taekwoon never mentioned Wonshik leaving his house, even after he was fully recovered and robust as a horse. And Wonshik wisely didn’t broach the subject too, having become surprisingly comfortable in the stately, spacious house. The walls were cold and the rooms empty, vacant and quiet when no one else was around, but somehow the serene and hollow quality comforted Wonshik after the rough-and-tumble chaos of his adolescence. The tranquility reminded him of Taekwoon’s brooding pensiveness, his thoughtful silences and elusive, shadowlike smiles. They calmed him to peaceful sleep at night.

 

He didn’t have his own room yet in the towering building where the offices of Jung Enterprises were located in, though. He only had a desk like most of the junior staff. Hakyeon was one of the few employees who had his own office, right outside Taekwoon’s bigger, glass-walled one. His duty was screening all visitors who passed through Taekwoon’s doors and only permitting those with appointments to bother his important work, and to field all his phone calls throughout the day.

Wonshik didn’t doubt that Taekwoon would give him one if he asked. Hakyeon sometimes remarked, half jokingly, that Taekwoon had a soft spot for Wonshik, that he smiled at Wonshik’s jokes more. This made Wonshik’s chest swell quietly with pride, although he didn’t let it show on his poker face. Especially since he had noticed that it was true too — Taekwoon seemed to have warmed up to him and allowed him closer as the years passed.

But he didn’t want to get an office this way. It would sound dumb if he said it aloud, but he wanted to earn the privilege the way Hakyeon had, for Taekwoon to bestow it on him because he felt Wonshik deserved the honour. Another reason was that he didn’t want the rest of the staff to gossip that he was receiving favouritism as the CEO’s pet, when he didn’t have the Ivy qualifications Taekwoon and Hakyeon and the rest of the staff had.

 

Recently, he had been surprised to discover within himself an intense craving to gain Taekwoon’s approval. Not just as a subordinate, but on a personal level, as a _dongsaeng_ , as an indispensable right hand.

It was difficult not to, with Taekwoon’s natural, inborn authoritativeness, the need to submit he brought up in everyone he met, the awe he effortlessly inspired in his entire arsenal of staff.

But even more than that, was how wise Taekwoon was, beyond his years, how kindly and mature and intelligent and profound. He never needed to raise his voice for his orders to be heard and carried out efficiently, never needed to lose his temper and placid calm. He was only three years older than Wonshik, but he was a _hyung_ in every way.

And gradually, Wonshik had found a certain dynamic arising — more and more lately, sometimes he felt like a freshman at school trailing at the heels of two cool, unattainable seniors, as Hakyeon was the same age as Taekwoon and mature in different but just as many ways.

Wonshik wasn’t used to feeling so juvenile, eager-to-please, and childlike. He felt that twenty-five was an age he should feel in command. But the two forbiddingly gentle men always seemed to reduce him to the kid he was when they had adopted him.

 

He knew it was only natural that they had their own secrets and inside jokes, since they had been together far before he appeared. But he couldn’t help being irrationally jealous and petty, wanting to be included, for them to be a trio of equal footing.

So he was always looking out for an opportunity to prove himself, to show his indispensability to the company and more importantly Taekwoon, to prove his loyalty and gratitude with not only words but actions. He wanted Taekwoon to acknowledge him. He wanted to surprise Taekwoon, to put a smile on that aloof, aristocratic face. He wanted Taekwoon to say in his low, smooth voice, _Good job, Wonshikkie_.

He wanted Taekwoon to look at him, and him only, even if just for one fleeting moment.

He didn’t know if this was pure platonic idol worship, or something more. All he knew was that he thirsted and hungered for Taekwoon’s attention and his sharp eyes slanting unreadably towards Wonshik, focusing with a dark warmth.

The few times that had happened, it took his breath away.

 

So when Taekwoon called him into his office one uneventful Monday, Wonshik tried not to look too eager. Taekwoon usually delivered all his instructions, including those to Wonshik, through his secretary Hakyeon, simply because he was too busy and swamped with work amidst the towering stacks of folders and documents at his desk.

But today, he had summoned Wonshik in and paused in his tasks for a moment, looking him over with that impenetrable but penetrating gaze of his. Wonshik stood stiffly, back ramrod straight, and tried not to fidget.

“You can relax,” Taekwoon surprised him by murmuring, a hint of a smile softening the thin curve of his lips.

Wonshik shuffled backwards to his couch, sitting down gingerly and feeling slightly breathless. He lowered his eyes from the intensity of Taekwoon’s surveying gaze.

Taekwoon always looked intimidating, but even more so at work than at home, always dressed impeccably in neatly ironed and starched suits and waistcoats, sometimes three-pieced outfits, without a single wrinkle. With his poise and frame, he sometimes looked more like a supermodel than a CEO behind his state-of-the-art chrome and silver desk and whirring Mac desktop.

 

Wonshik discreetly smoothed his hands over the lapels of his own professional suit, a secondhand one passed down from Hakyeon. It was well-worn but still in good condition, and a designer brand he wouldn’t have been able to afford on his own salary.

Taekwoon cleared his throat, distractedly shuffling a few manila folders. “I have a new assignment for you.”

Wonshik hastily reached out for the proffered folder, tentatively flipping the cover open. Inside was a profile which he scanned, with a photograph clipped to the top corner.

“Lee Hongbin,” Taekwoon recited airily, as if having memorized the contents of the folder already. “CEO of Lee Holdings. You’ve probably heard of him.”

“I’ve heard of the company,” Wonshik hedged, uncertain. He gripped the folder and raised questioning eyes to Taekwoon, slightly confused as to how he could be involved in any case dealing with this.

“I want you to seduce him.”

He whipped up his head in shock, nearly choking on air at Taekwoon’s next calm, forthright words, wondering if he heard wrongly.

“P-pardon?”

Taekwoon sighed, showing a hint of impatience for the first time. He gripped his desk with both hands, knuckles white on the edge as he leaned forward urgently across his desk to hold Wonshik’s eyes.

“He’s making things pretty difficult for us lately. If we don’t do something to turn the tables and get the upper hand, the company may land up in an unfavourable position. Wonshik-ah… I’m worried.” Two pretty creases appeared on Taekwoon’s delicate brow.

“I… what?” Wonshik spat out, throat dry, head still reeling. “But — hyung…” The unprofessional address he usually refrained from using outside the house slipped out carelessly. “He’s a guy!” He stared closer at the photograph to double-check, mouth slack.

Taekwoon nodded tightly, face grim. “I’m aware,” he countered wryly. “But you’re the only person I trust to do the job. And…” he hesitated, looking up. There was a light in his eyes that made Wonshik’s heart skip a beat. “Wonshik-ah… you’re so attractive. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a man or woman — no one will be able to resist you."

Wonshik became aware that he was grasping the sides of the paper so hard, they were close to tearing. His blood was rushing to his head at Taekwoon’s unexpected compliment, making it light. He had no idea Taekwoon had noticed his looks, that he had regarded Wonshik so appreciatively.

“ _Sajangnim_ …” he stuttered hoarsely.

Taekwoon just looked at him, eyes hopeful. “Will you take the job? You’re our only hope.”

Before he could think through the implications, the words slipped easily out of his mouth.

“Of course.”

The relief that brightened Taekwoon’s face and loosened his features made the lump in his throat sink back down.

Without further chitchat, he shifted unobtrusively to a professional tone of voice, starting to brief Wonshik on the target, his background and history and the details of Wonshik’s assignment. The words drifted loosely into Wonshik’s ears, his mind following a beat later, still struggling to process what had just happened.

“He’s a rather typical guy — you’ve seen his type: disgustingly rich pretty boy.” Taekwoon spoke dismissively with a slightly scornful curl of his lips as though he weren’t one himself. Wonshik just nodded silently.

“He — or should I say his family — is extremely wealthy, easily as much as ours. But beyond the trappings, you don’t really have to worry. I’ve met him a few times, and he’s — how should i put it — not as sophisticated and worldly as other sons of _chaebol_ families. He’s the… sheltered and innocent type, I guess you could say. If you do your job right, he should be an easy target to deceive. He won’t suspect a thing.”

The flippant tone in Taekwoon’s voice had grown more apparent. He obviously didn’t see this Lee Hongbin guy as much of a threat. Then why was he going to such lengths to get him out of the way, even dispatching Wonshik to handle it? Wonshik had seen enough to know that Taekwoon had his own reasons he knew best and it would be wisest to respect them. Taekwoon’s foresight and the power of his predictions were renowned in both the business world and their company and had singlehandedly raised them into the top ten listed corporations in South Korea.

“Firstly, I want you to gain his trust and find out what he’s up to. Go undercover, so to speak. Create a false identity,” Taekwoon commanded concisely.

“Yes, sir.” Wonshik bowed his head deferentially, tucking the folder into his breast pocket.

 

Taekwoon finally smiled, a small one but one nonetheless. It was worth all the uneasiness he felt at his ability to accomplish this important mission. Wonshik tried to smile back.

“It won’t be necessary for you to report to work until your task is complete. Of course, you’ll still be paid. Handsomely, if you successfully deliver. I expect weekly status updates on your progress, and either I or Hakyeon will contact you through text or calls to let you know the next step of the plan.”

Wonshik started, carelessly forgetting to hide his surprise. “Hakyeon hyung… knows too?”

Taekwoon frowned slightly. “Of course. He knows everything.” He waved a hand, not elaborating on the vague statement. Wonshik swallowed, feeling a dull bitterness in the back of his throat.

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, then.” Taekwoon gave him a last, level look before lowering his head again to the documents before him. “You’re dismissed. You may take the rest of the day off work to review the information I gave you.”

“Sir.” Wonshik backed away slowly in the direction of the office door. It shut with a quiet thud, and Taekwoon didn’t look up, already immersed in his work again. Only Hakyeon raised his head and smiled his pleasant grin as he passed.

“Everything a-okay?” He flashed a cheesy thumbs up sign, and Wonshik couldn’t help smiling back halfheartedly. It was difficult to be envious or jealous of Taekwoon’s obvious preference and bias towards Hakyeon, even though he wanted to sometimes, when Hakyeon was so harmless and open and sunny.

“Yes, hyung. I’ll be taking the rest of the day off.”

Hakyeon nodded understandingly. “Taekwoon let me know. Will you be heading home right away? I asked Ahjumma to prepare your favourite dishes for lunch.”

Wonshik shrugged. “Maybe. I may have to go somewhere to do research first.”

“Cool,” Hakyeon beamed. “I’ll ask her to keep them for dinner if you’re not back yet. Be sure to come home early.”

“Thanks. I’ll try.” Wonshik softened his short reply with another awkward smile and turned to stride off briskly.

 

Feeling slightly disoriented leaving the office before midday, he crossed the parking lot and straddled his motorbike — which he had bought with his first’s year’s salary. He pulled the helmet over his head, then fished the folder out and scanned the contents again before flipping his visor down.

The information was surprisingly more detailed than he had realized at first glance, including personal information such as Lee Hongbin’s favourite haunts and hobbies, as well as a few candid shots which could only have been snapped by a private investigator. It was apparent that Taekwoon had put effort into digging into this man’s life before he decided to hand it over to Wonshik.

He was equally touched and taken aback to find a generous wad of cash, new notes stuffed neatly into a smaller envelope in the back pocket of the folder. Indeed, Taekwoon never failed to think of everything. He was so thoughtful, so confident and faithful in Wonshik. Wonshik would die before he let him down.

He focused his mind and let the gears tick, mapping out the first steps of his plan as he tucked the folder carefully into his trunk again and zipped up his black motorcycle jacket. He revved up the ignition and flipped his visor down, then kicked the bike into the flow of traffic.

 

His first stop was a designer boutique Taekwoon frequented. He sometimes took Wonshik along so the staff recognized him and quickly helped him to assemble the outfit he needed.

When Wonshik stepped out of the fitting room and beheld himself in the wall of mirrors, he felt like Cinderella, transformed by her fairy godmother. He looked nothing like a straight-laced, white-collar corporate worker in his new daring outfit of body-hugging graffitied tee, ripped black skinny jeans and choker studded with a single ostentatious real crystal. He ran his fingers through his slicked-back hair, tousling his bangs into a mussed, wet look falling into his eyes and making him look wild and mysterious, a roguish bad boy.

He paid for everything with Taekwoon’s cash, counting out the notes crisply fresh from the envelope. He slid the receipt in and tucked it carefully into the inner pocket of his jacket after shrugging it on again. He smiled as he left the shop, knowing he looked good, appealing from the salesgirls’ changed attitudes and sudden giddy shyness.

He dropped by Sephora a few shops away and purchased a few eyeliner pencils, mascara and eyeshadow. Then he rode his bike to a flea market a few lanes away and had more fun than he probably should selecting a dizzying array of Gothic jewellery, heavy cuffs and chainlink necklaces and studded bracelets and silver skull earrings. He had the sense to mix up his wardrobe a little, keeping in mind the character he was playing — a false identity who wasn’t dirt-poor, but definitely nowhere near rich.

An ordinary, nondescript college student moonlighting as a bartender to make ends meet.

 

His transformation complete, he surveyed his reflection in the shop window with satisfaction, absently wishing Taekwoon could see him right now. If he thought Wonshik looked attractive in his normal state, he would definitely approve of the improvements he had made. He looked younger, enigmatic, thrillingly unpredictable, eyes indecipherable and moody dark pools behind the smudges of kohl he had brushed on. He needed to make an impression, look memorable. He needed to turn heads, specifically one.

He snapped a selfie for posterity, then reined himself in and got down to work.

When he arrived at the bar first on the list of favourite haunts, it was twilight. He reluctantly dashed off a quick message to Hakyeon that he might be late, but definitely wouldn’t miss dinner before shouldering off his jacket and stowing it in his trunk. He took a deep breath and slid his hands into the pockets of his skintight pants, then schooled his expression carefully and sauntered through the front door.

The bar was half-filled, with a decent-looking crowd. It was clearly a more upscale hangout than most skeevy roadside bars with drunks and hooligans, with most customers huddling in groups enjoying private conversation over prettily decorated drinks and dressed in understated but obviously expensive workplace fashion.

He took a quick inventory of the place with his eyes as he approached the bar leisurely. He had ordered a beer and was leaning over the counter, hoping to engage the bartender in conversation and attempt to bribe him into letting him hang around behind the bar for a few days when the glass doors opened again and a familiar face walked in.

 

His breath caught in his throat at the tall, well-dressed and built figure slowly nearing. It was the first time he had seen Lee Hongbin in the flesh, and he hadn’t even known of this person before today, but Wonshik felt an odd and unsettling sense of deja vu. He was caught slightly unprepared, not expecting that he would be so lucky to strike the jackpot on his first visit and not even have to pretend to be a bartender. He quickly turned his head to face the bar and pretended to be immersed in his drink.

He tried to even his breathing and act normal as Hongbin stopped a few stools away from him and placed his order with the bartender in a mellow murmur too low for Wonshik to decipher. He seemed at ease in this place, and Wonshik filed this information away — perhaps Taekwoon had been misinformed or outdated about Hongbin’s partying and nightlife habits.

Huddled over his beer, he registered Hongbin drifting away from the corner of his eye, towards a table where two other men were already seated. So he wasn’t here alone. Wonshik’s mind quickly ticked, plans shifting to accomodate the new development.

When he had drained his beer, he slid off the stool and sidled towards the bathrooms, careful not to glance in Hongbin’s direction. Outside the men’s toilet, he leaned against the wall awkwardly and groped for his packet of cigarettes and lighter, his hands unnaturally sweaty. He cursed under his breath, wondering why he was so nervous.

The nicotine calmed him. He was on his second cigarette, body tensed and still braced against the wall, ignoring the curious glances of other customers going in and out, when Hongbin brushed past him to push open the men’s toilet.

It took a huge effort for Wonshik not to burst out coughing from shock and he desperately tried to restore his overheated and flushed cheeks to their normal colour before he heard the faint flush and the door reopened.

 

Casually, ever so casually, he finally pushed himself away from the wall, pretending not to see Hongbin, and bumped square into him.

The impact knocked both of them off balance, not just the other man. Wonshik gathered his scattered wits, surprised and caught off guard at how powerfully-built Hongbin was up close, larger in both size and stature than he had imagined. He didn’t have as imposing an aura as Taekwoon, seeming like the chic silent type, but his presence was undeniably masculine — overwhelmingly so, not like the frail pretty boy image Wonshik had assumed from his picture. He had felt a brief impression of defined and buff abdominal muscles beneath his hands as they brushed Hongbin’s torso.

He wasn’t a bodybuilder or anything — but he was sturdy and strapping, easily as tall as Wonshik and maybe even slightly broader.

He was certainly strong enough to steady Wonshik by catching his elbows with quick reflexes before he teetered and fell over ungracefully, and Wonshik’s breath flooded back into his lungs with relief as he planted both feet on the ground again.

He gasped as he realised his cigarette had accidentally grinded itself into the fabric of Hongbin’s gunmetal suit, and quickly dropped it.

“I-I’m so sorry!” He felt more flustered than he had intended, a hand reaching up roughly to grab at the lapel of Hongbin’s suit to check if the cigarette had burnt its way through, onto his skin. “Did it…?”

Then he just as quickly let go because Hongbin’s face was flushed too when he looked up, seeming twice as flustered as him. It was disconcerting, throwing him off course for a few moments. Because of course he had known Hongbin was good-looking, but the grainy photograph was nothing compared to seeing him up-close, in the flesh. His airbrushed, runway-model looks made Wonshik wonder momentarily if he had mistook a celebrity for his target. There was no way any dull and dreary businessman had any right to look this gorgeous.

“N-no,” Hongbin quickly stammered, waving his hands reassuringly. Even shrill with discomfort, his voice was incredibly dulcet and deep, like a radio announcer’s or newsreader’s. He even had the presence of mind to nimbly reach out a polished loafer to grind the glowing cigarette stub out on the ground. For heaven’s sake. Wonshik needed to get a hold of himself.

“Don’t worry. i’m fine,” Hongbin finally pulled his shoe back and said with a shaky smile, eyes widened as they ran over Wonshik in an assessing once-over, more curious than unfriendly. Wonshik resisted the urge to shudder.

He pasted on his most charming smile and steadied his voice with an effort. “Thank God. I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you coming out of the restroom.”

Hongbin immediately melted into an easygoing smile, shaking his head earnestly again, so vigorously his slightly matted bangs wobbled into his eyes. “I understand. No harm done, really.”

He grabbed his own lapel and lifted it up to show Wonshik the inside, and it was only then that he realised Hongbin’s hand had still been on his elbow. Wonshik leaned back in embarrassment, putting some space between them while glancing at the pristine white of Hongbin’s work shirt. It was just as smooth and uncreased as Taekwoon’s, only the suit jacket retaining a slightly charred round mark.

“I ruined your suit,” Wonshik mumbled glumly, impressing himself with how well he was improvising. “Let me pay you back.”

He was reaching into his pocket for money he didn’t have, when Hongbin stilled him by placing an abrupt hand on his elbow again.

“No, please, you don’t have to!” He hesitated, ducking his head shyly when Wonshik looked up, his movements stopping. “At the risk of sounding like an obnoxious prat… one suit really doesn’t matter to me.” Hongbin’s voice was embarrassed and unpretentious, uncomfortable but sincere. The way he didn’t dare to meet Wonshik’s gaze was strangely endearing.

“All right.” He patted his pocket, faking reluctance, and tried to look remorseful. “If you say so. But at least allow me to buy you a drink as an apology.” He congratulated himself inwardly on his smoothness, the perfect in.


	2. Chapter 2

Hongbin hesitated before replying, and Wonshik could hear the soft hitch of his breath in his throat at his proposition. Hongbin’s cheeks were pink, like rose petals — perhaps he was mildly intoxicated. It would be kind of adorable if he wasn’t this strapping guy as big as Wonshik. His pick-up strategy was working well, even more smoothly than when he put moves on actual girls.

"Ah… sure,” Hongbin replied weakly, seeming awkward to decline. Wonshik pretended not to notice, smiling broadly. He toned down the wattage of his smile when Hongbin looked a little dazzled — he didn’t want to appear suspiciously overeager. “But I’m here with friends,” Hongbin mumbled.

“Oh?” Wonshik feigned surprise. “Umm, maybe I shouldn’t intrude then…” He held his breath. If Hongbin agreed with him, there would be nothing he could do. And yet, that was the only reply he could give that wasn’t too pushy and shameless. He planned to play mysterious and hard-to-get from the start, to intrigue Hongbin’s curiosity and grab his attention.

He sighed in relief at Hongbin’s answering smile, warmer and more welcoming than sunshine. “Not at all! I’m sure my friends would love to meet you. We’re just shooting the breeze anyway.”

Wonshik smiled, satisfied. “Awesome.”

“Come on.” Hongbin surprised him again by grabbing his hand intimately, as if they hadn’t met barely minutes ago. Still smiling, he led a breathless Wonshik towards his table.

 

The two men sitting and chatting fell silent and looked up in confusion when they approached. “Who’s that?” the younger one asked candidly, while the elder-looking one enquired with more tact, “Did you meet a friend, Hongbin-ah? You were taking ages, Hyogi was about to go look for you.”

Hongbin coloured faintly again. Wonshik was starting to observe that he seemed like an excruciatingly shy person.

“Not exactly. We bumped into each other at the restrooms, and this gentleman kindly offered to treat me to a drink in apology.”

The two young men looked suitably impressed by Hongbin’s tactful description of Wonshik’s gesture. Wonshik quickly bowed, eager to please. Hongbin smiled as his two friends bowed back, looking happy that they were getting along swimmingly. He raised a proud hand to introduce Wonshik.

“This is…” he frowned, realising they hadn’t exchanged names, and Wonshik quickly supplemented, “Ravi.” It was the alias Taekwoon had suggested for him in the folder, and as befitting his sense, Wonshik felt it fit him well.

Hongbin’s face softened, looking admiring too. “Ravi-ssi,” he repeated unnecessarily, as if he just wanted to say the name. For some reason, Wonshik felt his cheeks warming up slightly at the dazed look Hongbin gazed at him with, disregarding his friends.

The two men introduced themselves as Sanghyuk and Jaehwan, and Hongbin seemed to be startled out of his reverie, hastily adding, “I’m Lee Hongbin. It’s nice to meet you.” He inclined his chin in a slight respectful bow, offering a firm hand to Wonshik, and he felt slightly bad at Hongbin’s earnest and formal words.

Still, he pretended not to recognize the name from any other pedestrian one, knowing this would be crucial in gaining Hongbin’s trust.

Hongbin continued gazing at him as if spellbound after they had both taken seats, until Sanghyuk and Jaehwan lost patience and resumed chatting with each other. Wonshik pretended to be unaware of his attention. He was cautious to interpret it to mean anything — after all, Hongbin might just be staring because he was the most interestingly and glamorously dressed at the table, with the other two men wearing boring staid suits but which were obviously of immaculate quality like Hongbin’s. Also, he was probably a novelty to the eyes compared to Hongbin’s longtime friends and colleagues.

Still, Wonshik put up a good show, crossing his legs in a way that displayed their toned length and letting his Adam’s apple bob in the column of his throat as he swallowed, exposed to the light when he threw his head back and laughed gaily at a joke Sanghyuk had cracked. He sipped the rum cocktail he had ordered for them both coquettishly, wrapping his lips around the straw and flickering his gaze up through sooty lashes to glance at Hongbin’s cheeks growing increasingly flushed as he downed his own drink, avoiding Wonshik’s eyes and looking confused about how to interpret Wonshik's ambiguous actions.

 

The rum was a deliberate choice — fifteen minutes later, Hongbin was running an unsteady hand through his hair, disheveling his bangs further. His eyes were effortlessly dark and gleaming, without requiring the aid of makeup to glitter seductively.

Wonshik caught himself. Seductively? He must be out of his mind to be deluded that Lee Hongbin was shooting him sheep’s eyes. Firstly, the guy wasn’t even gay. It wasn’t an assumption — his list of ex-girlfriends was right in the black-and-white official data in his portfolio. Secondly, Wonshik had interacted with him long enough to know that Hongbin was almost as innocent as a child — certainly way more innocent than him.

He felt only a brief spike of guilt for what he was about to do that night, and grimly tossed it away.

Jaehwan and Sanghyuk conveniently started making noises that they were planning to go home soon, and told Wonshik they would be sharing a taxi as they lived in the same apartment building. They urged Wonshik to leave too, and told him not to worry, they would take care of their intoxicated friend who was now faceplanted on the wooden table, muttering incoherently.

“I could… take him home, if you like,” Wonshik offered casually. “I’m going in the same direction anyway.” He shrugged offhandedly.

“How do you know?” Sanghyuk gave him a blank look, and he caught himself in time, replying smoothly, “Hongbin told me just now.” He prayed the inebriated man was too under the influence to register his lie.

“Well, if it’s not too much of a bother…” Jaehwan hesitated, clearly only for formality’s sake. Wonshik waved their clucking away.

“Nonsense, it’s no trouble at all. I’ll see him to his front door; he looks pretty drunk.”

Hongbin’s friends agreed that it was the better solution, and they parted with polite smiles and greetings and promises to meet again for soju.

Wonshik dragged Hongbin out of the doors unceremoniously, hailing a cab. He gave the driver the address he had already memorized from the documents, relieved he had it now since Hongbin appeared too drunk to coherently recall or recite his address. Wonshik hadn’t realised his alcohol tolerance was so low, or maybe he had already imbibed a few drinks before they met. It was kind of cute.

 

When they pulled up to the brightly lit lobby of Hongbin’s classy, grand apartment building, crazily enough, he had actually made up his mind to do exactly what he told Sanghyuk and Jaehwan — unlock Hongbin’s door for him and dump him inside, then retreat.

He couldn’t take advantage of Hongbin in the state he was in. He would be a beast to do so.

Having decided, he sighed heavily and rummaged brusquely in Hongbin’s pockets for his keys, teetering outside his doorstep with Hongbin leaning heavily against him. He lived in the penthouse apartment, and had the entire floor to himself. The night breeze was refreshing on Wonshik’s face and seemed to sober Hongbin a bit too.

Wonshik drew back, nearly yelping when he brushed against Hongbin’s crotch accidentally in his haste to rustle up the keys. Blushing furiously and glad for the cover of the night, he thankfully located them in Hongbin’s left pocket and thrust them into the door with his other arm wrapped around the wobbling man. There was a keypad to enter a passcode too but thorough as his information was, it unfortunately did not include Hongbin’s passcode.

 

The keys fell to the floor, clanking loudly, when out of the blue, Hongbin started pressing kisses down the curve of his neck, boldly pushing down his shirt to get at his collarbone. They were sloppy, wet kisses, but Wonshik felt a shiver ripple down his body. Shocked and bewildered and outraged, he wrenched Hongbin off him roughly.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Hongbin fell heavily back against the door, making a clatter. He had the decency to look ashamed, cheekbones flushed high. His ridiculously long eyelashes fluttered over dilated, dark eyes.

“Ravi-yah… you’re beautiful.”

His new name, called so intimately in Hongbin’s voice, shook him deeply. He hadn’t realised Hongbin was conscious enough to know who he was kissing — and hope sparked in his chest that maybe, miraculously, he was attracted to Wonshik.

His plan seemed to be working without a hitch but Wonshik didn’t know why he felt all over the place, messed up and uncollected, composure lost. He was completely out of his element, because of a drunk Hongbin. Who he had just met for the first time today and barely exchanged a few sentences with. It was ludicrous.

He realised he was still blushing faintly at Hongbin’s drunken compliment. It had been so long since he had dressed up for someone, for someone to look at him, and that someone actually noticed. He felt absurdly flattered, despite it being praise from another guy, despite it being an adjective more commonly used to describe feminity.

Hongbin seemed much more uninhibited than he had expected when he was drunk, unlike the wholesome choirboy image Wonshik had dismissed him with at first glance. He reminded himself to proceed with caution. After all, Hongbin could be putting on an act too.

 

But try as he might, Wonshik could imagine nothing artful or manipulative about the young man leaning heavily against him who he pushed into the dark apartment, helping him to sprawl over the lavish pull-out couch in the sitting room.

He catalogued his surroundings discreetly, in the dim. He was so distracted he didn’t notice Hongbin reaching out a clumsy hand to tug him down, and not in time to catch his balance, he ended up sprawling over Hongbin’s body with a muffled _oof_ , air knocked out of him.

Hongbin’s body was toasty, emitting heat like a furnace. Wonshik felt a sudden urge to curl up against his sturdy chest and give in to sleep.

He gathered his wits and fumbled to sit up, but Hongbin’s arms locked around his back at the last second, encircling his shoulderblades and holding Wonshik flush against him. For one, two, three seconds, Hongbin just hugged Wonshik chastely like a stuffed doll. So close, Wonshik saw his thick lashes fanned out against his cheekbones boyishly, his red, moistened lips looking invitingly soft. He hauled himself out of Hongbin’s iron grasp, heart thudding.

 

He stumbled away unsteadily, looking down at Hongbin and quickly staggering to the door before things got out of hand. Standing in the elevator hurtling down to ground floor, Wonshik felt his heart still racing shallowly in his chest and wondering why the image of Hongbin limp and spread-eagled over his plush velvet couch made him think of one word: _lonely_.

 

The mansion was dark when he arrived home near midnight. Wonshik’s eyes prickled to see the dishes of his favourite foods carefully covered in cling wrap in the dining room. When Hakyeon displayed maternal behavior towards him, he remembered his own missed parents and sister. He hoped he would be able to establish his career and life enough to be able to face them again courageously someday.

He scarfed down the food and slunk up to bed, promptly passing out from exhaustion. It was only the next morning that it abruptly dawned on him with a sinking feeling — in the flurry of the night before, he had clean forgotten to leave his contact details or even a note in Hongbin’s house, and now could find no natural way to approach him again. He hadn’t even left a glass slipper behind to hint his shoe size, like Cinderella. So much for seduction.

Grumpily, he smeared his messy eyeliner further by rubbing his face blearily. He looked slightly hungover and like hell, peering into the mirror as he washed off the makeup. After breakfast, he would have to tart himself up again and set out to find another way to meet Hongbin accidentally once more. He was supposed to be working on this during his absence from work, after all.

 

Deciding that it would be overly suspect to turn up near Hongbin’s office, although he knew where it was, and too much like a stalker, the only solution left was to go back to the previous night’s bar and hope Hongbin would visit it two nights in a row.

He took a bus there to collect his motorcycle, having been too drunk to drive the night before. He was wearing one of his own outfits today, as he had only purchased one the previous day but he did his best to enhance his looks with makeup again.

He was stifling a yawn, wondering if he would have to sit at the bar for hours biding his time and waiting for Hongbin to turn up, looking pathetic and dodgy. But when he strolled through the doors, he stopped dead in his tracks to see none other than Lee Hongbin himself, looking like a mirage, sitting at the exact same table as the night before, picking at snacks as he nursed a bottle of beer and looking as bored and anxious as Wonshik felt.

Wonshik halted in the entrance, blinking in confusion. He rubbed his eyes and at that moment Hongbin looked up and spotted him, his eyes widening to disbelieving saucers as his chair screeched across the floor.

He stood up, waving with desperate relief pale on his face, and Wonshik took an unsteady step forward, more bewildered than ever. It was a Tuesday; wasn’t Hongbin supposed to be at work?

“W-what are you doing here?” His voice was hoarse when he had closed the distance between them. Hongbin’s breaths were quick and shallow, his face pinkening again as if he had had more alcohol than he should before midday.

“Thank god you’re here,” Hongbin gushed, then looked doubly embarrassed. “I thought I’d never see you again,” Wonshik thought he heard him mutter under his breath.

“What?” he murmured, light-headed. Hongbin looked even more stunning under the sunlight, if that was possible. His smile was breathtakingly dreamy. Even out of his suit and dressed in more casual streetwear than the day before, he looked flawlessly put together, like a piece of artwork.

“Nothing,” Hongbin replied furtively, peeking up through his eyelashes and then shying away from Wonshik’s gaze again. It was… all right, he would say it — it was fucking adorable.

“Why aren’t you at work?” Wonshik demanded like a bossy girlfriend, although he was flooded with relief at not having to wait hours till nighttime in suspense.

Hongbin blushed again. Wonshik swore he had already seen him blush more times since they met the previous night than some girls in all the time he dated them.

“I… took the day off,” Hongbin admitted softly, looking bashful. “I was disappointed… I mean, worried, when I woke up and found you gone. I searched high and low but you didn’t leave a note or your number. I thought maybe… you didn’t want to see me again, because of how disgracefully I behaved. I… wanted to apologise.”

“You’ve been waiting here since morning because you wanted to apologise to me?” Wonshik’s voice shrilled with disbelief.

Hongbin ducked his head in an awkward nod. “I just… couldn’t concentrate on anything… until I saw you again.”

A silence fell between them after this statement. Hongbin finally looked up and met his eyes, and Wonshik had no idea what he had just heard. A confession? He stared at Hongbin, trying to figure out if he could remember what he had said the night before, but couldn’t. Things were progressing too fast, even quicker than his plan. Just this morning he had been completely disarmed by how Hongbin had effortlessly managed to get under his skin, cursing his incompetence and ditziness. And now here Hongbin was again, pulling the ground out from beneath his feet.

 

"Why did you want to see me again?” he again interrogated, brashly, making Hongbin look ill at ease. Recklessly, Wonshik plunged further. “We’re just strangers who accidentally bumped into each other last night.”

There was a pregnant silence, before Hongbin replied, twitching slightly, “Ravi-ssi… if you don’t mind, I… would like to be friends with you.” He looked so hopeful and hesitant that Wonshik’s defenses collapsed.

“Sure,” he replied coolly, feigning nonchalance as if he wasn’t screaming with glee inside. It had all worked out better than it could ever have even if he orchestrated it — just like Taekwoon had predicted, Hongbin had fallen hook, line and sinker. Wonshik had successfully roused his interest and made Hongbin want to find out more about him. Wonshik knew what Taekwoon meant now when he said Hongbin was easy prey — he almost felt bad for the man because he was obviously too gullible for his own good, with no defenses against anyone.

It was hard to believe that such a person could be responsible for plotting the downfall of Jung Enterprises — and if Taekwoon hadn’t personally told him, Wonshik would have been fooled by Hongbin’s harmless bunny act too. No matter how nice he seemed, it was an incontrovertible fact that at work, he was the mercenary, ruthless and calculating CEO of Lee Holdings. Wonshik resolved to remember this at all times and not let his resolve falter.

 

They left the bar soon after, Wonshik opting not to drink because he had to drive. Hongbin climbed aboard his motorcycle behind him, straddling his seat and wrapping his arms around Wonshik's waist easily as if he had been riding pillion behind him for years.

Wonshik thought he could feel Hongbin’s heartbeat picking up against his back as he revved up the engine, letting it rumble beneath his fingers as he urged up the velocity, showing off a little. For the rest of the day, they rode the motorbike to eat, cruise around, and to the PC bang where they had a thrilling match on the stationary bikes _there_ which ended with Hongbin winning him by a narrow margin. They had so much fun, Wonshik nearly forgot his mission.

They finally exchanged contact details before they parted outside the bar that night, where Wonshik had fetched Hongbin to collect his car, an ostentatious Maserati he looked slightly sheepish about. He gallantly offered to drive Wonshik home but he declined regretfully as he had to take care of his own bike. They agreed to keep in touch, and Wonshik watched Hongbin’s waving figure growing smaller in his rearview mirror as he zoomed off.

 

He was determined not to be the first one to text or call, despite spending thirty minutes lying in bed after his shower absently staring at Hongbin’s contact details in his phone and willing it to ring. He knew better than to hope; Hongbin was a busy person after all and couldn’t be spending all his time playing with Wonshik.

But before he fell asleep, he jumped to hear his phone buzzing and snatched it up, heart thumping. Hongbin had sent him a short good night message with cute animal emojis. Wonshik tried to control the leaping of his heart, which was totally foolish. It was just a two-word text.

He fell asleep with the niggling sense of guilt that his assignment wasn’t supposed to feel quite this delightful.

 

Having become firm friends, they established a routine of keeping in touch via texting when they didn’t meet up at night after Hongbin got off work. Wonshik had lied that he was a college student and every time Hongbin asked solicitously about his studies and exams, he felt shifty. Hongbin gradually and proudly introduced Wonshik to his various favourite haunts and bars and restaurants, not knowing that from day one Wonshik already had the list of them neatly printed on paper.

It was getting harder and harder to fake surprise, especially when Hongbin believed him, swallowing his lies with a bright and trusting smile. He looked so vulnerable right then that Wonshik was almost ready to spill the truth from his loose lips. It sat on the tip of his tongue, balancing precariously and he anxiously pressed his lips closed.

He wanted to ask Hongbin questions about his work so he could send some useful information on his weekly reports back to Taekwoon and Hakyeon and impress them (because although it was of interest to him, he couldn't imagine them caring that Hongbin was a master at rock-paper-scissors), but he couldn’t bring himself to ask. He didn’t know what he was more afraid of — that Hongbin would tell him everything he wanted to know willingly, or that he would look at Wonshik with realization and betrayal dawning in his eyes.

Because Hongbin wasn’t an idiot. He might not have seen through Wonshik’s act, but he had a higher IQ and more prestigious education than Wonshik, was much more intellectual. It was just… that he was incredibly dense regarding certain matters.

Wonshik realised his misplaced complacency regarding his assignment when it dawned on him that when Hongbin had said he wanted to be friends… he actually wanted to be friends. Like, just friends.

Either Wonshik had read the signals completely wrong; this was how Hongbin treated and looked at all his friends; or Hongbin was attracted to him as he sensed, but simply too obtuse to understand his own feelings or see Wonshik as a romantic interest.

 

And when he realised that despite the glances Hongbin sneaked at him when he wasn’t looking, he would be content to remain as platonic friends forever, dismissing anything more as wishful thinking, Wonshik comprehended that he would have to take the initiative, make the first move.

Being proactive had never been his forte, even with girls. And with Hongbin, it was ten times harder.

Strolling alongside Hongbin along the shaded lanes of a park perfect for private moments among the secluded greenery, Wonshik stole glances at Hongbin’s chiseled side profile and wondered how he could ever broach the question of intimacy between two men.

On one of his furtive glimpses, he met Hongbin’s eyes, and the other man hastily looked away, his ears colouring suspiciously. He pointedly didn’t look at Wonshik for the rest of the walk, staring straight ahead stiffly and when their hands brushed by accident Hongbin jumped as though electrocuted.

“Hongbin-ah,” Wonshik finally blurted out, at his wits’ end. He had no idea what would spill out of his mouth next.

Hongbin finally raised his eyes from the ground and looked over. His expression was shifty. “Huh?”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

They both stopped dead in their tracks on the path. Hongbin appeared to stumble over air, tripping over his own shoes.

“What did you say?” His deep voice was an octave higher when he got to his feet again, face crimson. His eyes were round with disbelief, pinning Wonshik’s in astonishment.

Wonshik found himself blushing too, to his surprise. “I just… asked because you kept looking at my lips,” he muttered defensively, regretting his impulse. He was pretty sure he was heading in the wrong direction.

“What?!” Hongbin squeaked, face bright red too now. “What are you talking about, Ravi-yah? I didn’t… How could I… We’re both guys!”

“So?” Figuring he had nothing left to lose, Wonshik dove right in. “There’s no law that says guys can’t kiss guys. Right?” He stared defiantly into Hongbin’s eyes, which were blinking rapidly, his lips moving over speechless words.

Wonshik let his gaze drop from Hongbin’s eyes to his lips, and fixed them there, drinking in the lusciousness of Hongbin’s mouth. He felt a craving he hadn’t felt in a long time, welling up inside him.

When he moved his eyes back up, Hongbin’s gaze had fallen to his lips too. His tongue slipped out of his mouth absently to wet his dry lips. His eyes darkened with longing.

“Hongbin-ah,” Wonshik challenged desperately, voice cracking, “Do you dare to say that you’ve never thought about kissing my lips?” He ran his tongue over his lips suggestively too, throwing subtlety out of the window.

“I…” Hongbin’s eyes snapped up to his, stricken. "I've never kissed a man before." His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Neither have I," Wonshik blurted out, mouth acting independently of his mind. "But you can kiss me. If you want. I don’t mind. I also —“

The rest of his sentence was cut off by Hongbin’s mouth crushed clumsily against his, his arm winding around Wonshik’s waist to pull him flush against his body, closer than close. Wonshik could feel the hummingbird patter of Hongbin’s heart against his own chest like a cage of birds trying to escape as Hongbin’s lips moved sensually against his own, his eyelids fluttering closed. His splayed eyelashes looked so blissful and peaceful, utterly content in their lip-lock. They were so long they brushed against Wonshik’s cheekbones like butterfly wings, feeling ticklish.

Surprising him, it was Hongbin who deepened the chaste, sweet and tender kiss. _Where did Hongbin learn to kiss like_ that _?_ was the only question remaining in Wonshik’s mind when Hongbin finally let him go, panting, and he felt his feet planted on the ground, no longer like he was flying. The thoroughness and hunger with which Hongbin had explored his mouth with his skilled tongue was dizzying and knee-buckling, almost meticulous. He had teased moans and a couple of unrepeatable sounds out of Wonshik’s lips, his body firm and solid and responding sensitively to Wonshik’s hands running up and down his back, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much to everyone who left kudos, commented and subscribed, your support and interest means a lot :)


	3. Chapter 3

Besides his confusing feelings for Taekwoon in recent years, Wonshik had always thought himself heterosexual. So he was surprised by how easily both of them transitioned from friends to lovers, plunging into a same-sex relationship with more effortless ease and less angst than they should probably have felt. It felt indecent, how natural it was, how _right_ it felt, like puzzle pieces falling neatly into place. Just like how after their first kiss, he quickly grew accustomed to their height difference, or lack thereof. It felt different from how he had to bend to kiss even the tallest girls, refreshing how they were relatively the same height and size, always at eye level.

Even so, he was surprised by how perfectly he fit into the space between Hongbin’s arms, as if it had been specially designed for his body. In Hongbin’s strong embrace, feeling the regular rhythm of his heartbeat through his chest, Wonshik felt the sensation of being protected, sheltered and enveloped for the first time. He even felt small, especially when Hongbin chuckled about how cute he was.

The first time Hongbin called him that, he was shocked, scandalized, then outraged. “Who’s _cute_?!” he growled, shaking a fist. “You’re full of crap; no one has ever called me cute before.”

“Really?” Hongbin furrowed his brow, looking genuinely surprised. “But you’re adorable. I don’t get it.”

His scrunched up face made Wonshik bite his lip to refrain from retorting that the adorable one between them was hands-down _him_ , and the sight of his lip-biting in turn made Hongbin’s face soften and his arm tighten protectively over Wonshik’s waist, although Wonshik caught.a glimmer of lust in his eyes. it made him shiver to think that as he leaned against Hongbin’s warm and comfortable chest and Hongbin buried his nose in the hair at the nape of his neck to inhale his scent, he might be silently thinking dirty thoughts about Wonshik he didn’t voice out. Ever sensitive and chivalrous, Hongbin immediately shrugged off his denim jacket with concern and draped it around Wonshik’s shoulders.

The shoulders of Hongbin’s jacket were broad, retaining his shape and warmth, and Wonshik felt encircled, safe and taken care of inside the cloud of Hongbin’s sinfully fragrant and musky cologne. Wonshik couldn’t find a single flaw within Hongbin, no matter how much he tried. He was almost too perfect to be true.

 

"Yah, don’t be disrespectful, brat. I’m your hyung,” he blurted out to establish some security, to dissipate the feeling he suddenly had of freefalling into the depthless and alluring whirlpools of Hongbin’s keen eyes. He rapped Hongbin’s head with his knuckles and tousled his hair fondly, unable to help smiling. Hongbin looked like a pet puppy enjoying his touch, beaming up at him winsomely from beneath Wonshik’s hand. Ever since they had exchanged birthdays and he pretended to be surprised that Hongbin was the same age as him, then at discovering he was a few months younger, he frequently reminded Hongbin of their tiny age gap, more to reassure himself of his seniority and maturity.

And yet, despite his babyface and natural aegyo, Hongbin displayed an effortless aura of maturity alarmingly often, like now when he just broke into a dimpled grin and cuddled Wonshik closer, not calculating with him and graciously letting him win.

“Yes, Ravi hyung,” Hongbin murmured meekly with another mischievous flash of teeth and dimples so deep Wonshik nearly got lost in them. Hongbin acted like he wasn’t aware of the devastating effect he had on both women and men, but sometimes Wonshik got the feeling he knew exactly how to use his assets to get what he wanted.

 

Also like when he delicately and tactfully broached the subject of Wonshik’s college tuition in a roundabout manner, letting him know that if he needed any financial aid, Hongbin would be more than happy to help. Wonshik was surprised his pride felt less injured than he expected, but rather he was suffused by a feeling of being deeply moved and swept off his feet by Hongbin’s consideration.

Hongbin still managed to surprise him daily by revealing another side of himself Wonshik had never seen in the portfolio, and he realised he had been naive to think that he could understand Hongbin from the two-dimensional information and facts on paper.

The manila folder could never have told him how indescribable and paradoxical Hongbin was, how _human_ , how much larger than life. How his presence filled up all the space around him whenever he entered a room, although he could be quiet as a mouse with people he didn’t know well, appearing aloof and reticent even though he was just nervous.

Neither could he ever have guessed from it how romantic Hongbin turned out to be, possessing a smoothness that made Wonshik do a double take, wondering if he had far more experience than he let on. And yet, he was in no way a Casanova or playboy — Wonshik laughed at the mere thought, because Hongbin was way too clumsy, inexperienced and naive to be one even if he tried. He had the kind of pristinity that made Wonshik feel the urge to debase his angelic halo, to corrupt him beyond redemption.

 

He wanted to teach Hongbin how to love a man.

And yet, more often than not, he found himself being taught, like Hongbin revealing his flirtatious and playfully greasy side once again by whispering seductively, “I’m honoured to be the first person to ever call you cute.”

Wonshik hit his chest, feeling weak because Hongbin was directing smouldering eyes down at him, channeling the full impact of his intense and serious, tender gaze.

“Don’t let anyone else call you that, yeah?” Hongbin continued intoning by his ear, voice deep. His fingers caressed the shell of Wonshik’s ears sensually, making it hard to think straight.

“ _Pabo_ , no one else will,” Wonshik stammered. Sometimes he got confused between acting and reality, especially when Hongbin took his breath away skilfully like this. He felt a startling pang of regret, sharp in his chest, when he had to reluctantly drop the bouquets of roses Hongbin loved to surprise him with on dates, despite Wonshik ordering him to stop splurging on unnecessary frivolities.

“You’re so frugal and down-to-earth,” Hongbin turned it into another chance to compliment him, somehow managing to sound completely sincere. “It’s rare to meet someone as unworldly as you. That’s what I like about you.”

 _If you only knew_ , Wonshik had thought, wryly, with another prickle of his conscience.

 

He knew it was progress, a big step in their relationship when Hongbin officially introduced him to his friends. Some nights, they couldn’t date because Hongbin had some social meeting or other, and he started inviting Wonshik to tag along so they could spend more time together. Although they didn’t brag or display their status outwardly, it was clear that the people Hongbin associated with were all sons from extremely distinguished and well-bred families, of Hongbin and Taekwoon’s pedigree. Their perfection and sophistication made Wonshik feel self-conscious and shabby, insecure about how he matched up to Hongbin, in his borrowed luxury. He even recognized a few famous faces and names from the news and gossip, athletes and socialites and magnates of business empires.

It hit him like a bucket of ice water that Hongbin was no less important than these people, indeed every bit so. Because of how unaffected, humble and unassuming Hongbin acted, it had been deceptively easy to forget he was the filthy rich CEO of an internationally renowned company, next in line to be heir. He had never seemed aware of the large gap between their statuses and class, and Wonshik had presumptuously started feeling like he belonged, fit in at Hongbin’s side.

Hongbin seemed to sense his unease at one of these formal occasions, which even gatherings and parties in this social circle seemed to turn into. Maybe he was being too sensitive — but everywhere he looked there seemed to be a display of obscene affluence and almost offensive luxury. It chafed on his nerves, made him feel doubly nervous and like he stuck out as brightly as a sore thumb.

Hongbin’s friends were all as well-mannered and cultivated as him, none of them discriminating against Wonshik, but today he had received a few dirty looks from young actresses, models and heiresses attending the gathering when they caught Hongbin being the usual playful self he became when he was loosened by alcohol, getting frisky and handsy. Wonshik was in fact quite enjoying the careless and unembarrassed hand Hongbin had placed on the small of his back, migrating brazenly down to his waist to fondle his hipbone through his silk slacks, dropping to cup his ass for an instant when the others’ heads were turned. But apparently Hongbin was rather popular with the ladies, no surprise there, and they were displeased by how Wonshik had stolen all his attention, that Hongbin had eyes for no one else in the room except him.

He was obviously and unabashedly, in Wonshik’s own words in his latest texted update to Taekwoon, _smitten_ with him. He had used the term deliberately, not quite clear what his own intentions were but wondering abstractly if Taekwoon would be jealous when he heard that Wonshik had one of the most eligible bachelors in Korea wrapped around his little finger, that Wonshik had charms of his own and was no longer the little brother trailing at Taekwoon’s heels. But Taekwoon’s reply was disappointingly bland: “Good. Keep it up and keep us posted."

 

The moment he sensed the slightest bit of unease in Wonshik that day, Hongbin had left immediately, with only a few quick goodbyes to his friends nearby. He dropped everything — his conversations with his friends; the business discussion Wonshik knew he was in the middle of; the schmoozing he knew Hongbin didn’t enjoy but had to do for his job, to place Wonshik in his first priority. it was the single most romantic gesture anyone had ever done for him, and Hongbin hadn’t even been trying to ingratiate himself. He was genuinely concerned about Wonshik’s feelings and comfort at all times.

Even though Wonshik didn’t complain, didn’t feel he had the right to come between Hongbin meeting his friends and business associates, after that day, Hongbin never asked him to attend any more parties with him. He didn’t say as much, diplomatically not putting into words questions that would make Wonshik feel awkward. He was so understanding, so observant and careful that Wonshik didn’t know what to say, to do. Hongbin’s enormous gentleness made him feel like he was out of his depth, a child floundering in the deep end of the adults’ pool.

Instead, Hongbin introduced him to a few of his other good friends, who Wonshik was surprised to discover pleasantly were “civilians” like him. Hongbin pretended to pout, offended when Wonshik expressed his awe that Hongbin had “normal” friends too.

“Do you think I’m a snob?” he teased in his deep voice, mock-outraged.

Wonshik quickly retracted his words. “Of course not. If you were, you wouldn’t be dating me now, would you?” Hongbin giggled as Wonshik tickled his chin, successfully appeased. He felt a strange chill every time he mentioned their status as a couple and Hongbin didn’t refute it, but even looked as pleased as him, smiling and lowering his head shyly, looking proud like he had won the lottery. It made Wonshik feel indescribably special and cherished, just that expression alone, more than any words could. Because sheer awe and reverence was spelt across Hongbin’s expressive face every time he gazed upon Wonshik, like he still couldn’t quite believe his luck, even after so long.

This evening, he couldn’t help feeling curious because Hongbin had told him happily he was going to introduce his best friend of three years to Wonshik. He told Wonshik he had met him while studying abroad, and they had bonded by being the only two Koreans in one of their classes.

Wonshik liked Gongchan immediately. He was cute and charming, polite and without any airs. He fussed over Hongbin a little, looking adorably like a mother hen although he was the same age as them. Wonshik could sense the effect he immediately had on Hongbin, relaxing and loosening him up, more so than his other prestigious friends. Soon, the three of them were joking and bantering around as if they had all known each other for years, and Gongchan was directing a dazzling approving smile at Wonshik and announcing that he was officially his favourite girlfriend of Hongbin’s.

“Wait, girlfriend?” Wonshik protested, and Gongchan clapped his hand over his mouth, looking sheepish.

“Oops, I meant boyfriend — umm, lover. Slip of the tongue, since you’re Hongbin’s first boyfriend. He’s never liked any guy enough to consider them, even me.”

He made a cheeky sad face. Hongbin glared at and batted him across the table, looking flustered even as he dissolved in laughter. He snuck a shy glance over at Wonshik, and blushed when Wonshik caught him, burying his head in his plate. But Wonshik couldn’t help biting his lip to hide his giddy smile he saw mirrored on Hongbin’s face at his pleasure at Hongbin’s best friend’s acknowledgement.

In fact, his heart was stirred deeply by the fact that Hongbin never hid their relationship, in fact seemed to want to flaunt his claim over Wonshik proudly, not in the slightest self-conscious because they were the same gender. Hongbin was so magnanimous and accepting of himself and others, so broad-minded and quietly confident in his identity that it was heart-stoppingly masculine and manly.

 

Now, Gongchan continued kidding around, good-naturedly poking fun at Hongbin’s wealth by asking Wonshik tongue-in-cheek if he had offered to pay his college tuition. He hit the nail on the head.

“I think he wants to be my sugar daddy,” Wonshik stage-whispered snidely to Gongchan, and they both guffawed at Hongbin’s instinctive and violent reaction of coughing so hard, his sip of water almost came out of his nose.

He was still wheezing moments later as Wonshik thumped his back, looking red in the face as Wonshik and Gongchan continued to join forces to torment him helplessly.

“Tsk, Hongbin-ah, you sly boy. If you want Ravi to be your sugar baby, why don’t you just say so?” Gongchan shook his finger at Hongbin, winking at Wonshik.

“I —“ Hongbin sputtered, but he had barely opened his mouth before he was Wonshik cut him off.

“Yeah, Hongbinnie, why don’t you be my sugar daddy?” he purred, making Hongbin’s eyes bulge at his sultry tone.

Hongbin chuckled nervously, giving them a look pleading for mercy. “You must be kidding. Me, a sugar daddy? Did you know my friends’ nickname for me is Red Beans?”

Wonshik snorted this time in disbelief, but Gongchan’s snigger confirmed it. Hongbin’s face looked increasingly blotchy as Wonshik couldn’t contain his giggles. “It’s not that funny!” he bristled eventually, looking miffed, which only made Wonshik laughed harder till his stomach hurt. Gongchan’s snickers joined in as they high-fived over the table.

“Fine, I’ll be your sugar daddy!” Hongbin stunned both their laughter into silence by raising his voice slightly. Then he groaned, looking panicked. “Forget I said that,” he immediately stammered.

“Never,” Gongchan vowed, and Wonshik fished his phone out sweetly, turning on the voice recorder. “Could you repeat it?” Hongbin shot him a dark look that clearly read, _you’ll get it from me later_ , and Wonshik tried not to visibly shudder with erotic pleasure.

 

Despite what he said, Hongbin made Wonshik _feel_ like a sugar baby. He made Wonshik feel like he had a sugar daddy when Hongbin paid for all their decadent and scrumptious meals at Michelin-starred restaurants, their presidential suites at five-star hotels where they rolled around on the bed for hours kissing and touching through their clothes, when he whipped out air tickets to spontaneously fly them over to Tokyo to watch the cherry blossoms and back to Korea in the same day. He seemed to take great delight in spoiling and pampering Wonshik to his heart’s content, although he wasn’t a frail girlfriend but a gangly and ungainly boyfriend. Even as a man, there was nothing soft, sweet or fragile about Wonshik, but the way Hongbin handled him, like precious china, made him feel breakable and coddled.

Hongbin was so agreeable and anxious to please him that they had immediately and naturally started dating after that first impromptu kiss, but Wonshik sometimes wondered if he just felt obliged to take responsibility; what would have happened had he not taken the initiative. Were Hongbin’s feelings, which seemed unable to be contained now, trivial enough to be shut in a box if he had not goaded them into the open? He wasn’t sure if Hongbin would have kept his infatuation a secret forever, where they would be now had Wonshik not explicitly asked him to kiss him that day in the park.

He tried not to overthink it, not to feel like it was only his brazen forwardness that had set this relationship into motion. It didn’t matter whether Hongbin had made the first move, anyway. What mattered was that he was now securely ensnared, and Wonshik was confident of his power over him. What mattered was the next step, to delve in deeper into the second phase of his mission.

If anything, Hongbin was _too_ agreeable, pliant and malleable like plasticine, desperate to jump through hoops to grant anything Wonshik might wish for. He knew, from Hongbin’s increasingly urgent and adventurous touches, his heated hands and laboured panting, the quiet frustration and hunger that flashed in his usually passive eyes that Hongbin wanted his body, that he would accede readily when Wonshik asked to make their relationship physical.

Everything was progressing according to plan. He was in Taekwoon’s good books, and he had even given Wonshik one of his rare compliments for his competency and progress in this task. He promised, in his restrained way, to give Wonshik a promotion and office once he was done with this assignment. Well-earned, Taekwoon replied with a smile and affectionate ruffle of Wonshik’s hair in the mansion when they crossed paths and Wonshik blurted out his clumsy thanks for Taekwoon’s favour and how he had looked after Wonshik all these years.

He barely noticed that unlike all the previous times Taekwoon had given him his attention, this time Wonshik didn’t feel anxious to bask in it and keep Taekwoon’s eyes on him for as long as possible. Instead, he was only half-present, his mind already having flitted back to his phone charging in his room which would buzz any second now with Hongbin’s reply to his flirty message. He was startled to find himself feeling impatient, longing to get back to his conversation with Hongbin as soon as possible.

“Well, then… I guess I’ll get back to work,” he muttered inanely, feeling more like he was saying it for his benefit than Taekwoon’s. He rushed to his room in record speed, but promptly forgot about the niggling fear in his mind that there was something wrong with him at Hongbin’s cringingly adorable text.

 

Back when they were still attending those gatherings, Hongbin would use every excuse he got to take Wonshik shopping. It seemed to be a particular hobby of his, nothing else giving him greater pleasure (besides playing Overwatch). He seemed to have a lot of fun watching Wonshik try on the spring-summer collection in every store, from Saint Laurent to Cartier to Versace. But even after Wonshik stopped joining him, he didn’t stop buying him clothes. When he discovered Wonshik’s penchant for hats, it set off another shopping spree. In a matter of a couple of months, Wonshik’s wardrobe looked like it had received a complete overhaul. He had no idea what he would do with all these clothes when he went back to working at the company.

 _After this was over_. The words gave him a strange sinking feeling in his gut, just picturing the thought of this whirdwind courtship ending as abruptly as it had begun, snuffed out like a flame. He tossed the thought out of his mind, drily thinking that when Hongbin found out the truth he would probably demand a return of all the clothes. Then again, maybe not. He had gradually found out that Hongbin’s soft-spoken, easygoing image wasn’t just a front — he was so darn _nice_ that it was unreal, that Wonshik was tempted to push his buttons, provoke him into showing his true self sometimes. But try as he might, he never discovered anything beyond the good-natured exterior.

And if Hongbin was a nice guy, then he was an even more devoted lover. He was generous with both his money and affections, constantly giving — to Wonshik, signing off checks to make staggering donations to various charities, especially animal shelters. As if he wasn’t perfect enough, he was even an animal lover — Wonshik had already met his preciously tiny pet dog Mozzi on a visit to his apartment. His expansiveness made Wonshik feel overwhelmed, consumed.

“But why?” Hongbin sounded petulant when Wonshik bluntly told him he didn’t need any more apparel, especially from Hongbin. “You have such a gorgeous face and body. It would be a waste to hide them in unflattering clothes.”

“I already have more than enough flattering clothes, thanks to you,” Wonshik sputtered. Hongbin sounded genuinely baffled at why he thought it was a waste of money to dress well. He paid a lot of attention to his own fashion too, although he went for subtle, classy chic, never wore anything too flashy or attention-catching and didn’t have to bother anyway since he would look good in a potato sack. Wonshik had barely ever seen him in the same outfit twice, although he knew Hongbin was very careful with his money and investments. This lavish, high-society lifestyle was something that Hongbin had been born into, but Wonshik was still getting used to.

“All right,” Hongbin finally agreed grudgingly, making Wonshik hide a triumphant smile at how whipped he was. “But at least let me continue giving you small presents on special occasions,” Hongbin pled, employing his irresistible puppy eyes.

Wonshik started to protest, knowing Hongbin would promptly start inventing a “special occasion” for every day, but was silenced by Hongbin’s gentle finger on his lips.

Hongbin smiled, his eyes bright with admiration as he regarded Wonshik. “Indulge me, Ravi-yah. You make giving such a pleasure. Don’t deny it to me.” He smirked at Wonshik’s gaping expression, knowing his seductively lowered voice and persuasive words paired with his stupidly beautiful face had effortlessly slayed him.

Wonshik relented, rolling his eyes. He wasn’t as opposed to being spoiled as he pretended to be anyway, but he deliberately acted like a thrifty, penny-pinching, unmoneyminded commoner not used to frills because he wanted to convince Hongbin that he wasn’t a gold digger, like so many others who probably constantly tried to get close to him. He didn’t know why he was so sensitive, because Hongbin clearly believed him completely. He had had many chances to test him, but he never took them, demonstrating his unconditional trust at every turn. Perhaps it was just Wonshik’s guilty conscience speaking again.

When Hongbin intently enquired where he was living right now at the start of their relationship, he had cooked up a half-baked lie about dorming at the university hostel. When he dropped Wonshik off with his car, he had to alight near the hostel to corroborate his lie so he took to parking his motorbike there to travel to and fro from home. Hongbin frowned, obviously not liking the thought of him living in such squalid quarters. He had no idea about the palatial house and lap of luxury in which Wonshik had the fortune to dwell.

He was dumbfounded when Hongbin asked him to move into his apartment, out of the blue one day. Opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish a few times, he eventually croaked, “W-why?”

Hongbin ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Why do you think? Ravi-yah, it pains me to live in such a stinking rich house day in and out while thinking of my boyfriend slumming it in some dank, cramped dorm room. I feel so useless.”

Wonshik didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t realized Hongbin thought about his living conditions when they weren’t together, that it occupied his mind so much, constantly fretting over Wonshik’s comfort. There was no hint of any ulterior motives in Hongbin’s request at all. Although they hadn’t yet gone all the way, Hongbin never pressured him or tried to rush him into doing anything. As this was their first homosexual relationship for both of them, they were both careful to take things slowly and not leap into anything impetuous. Hongbin purely wanted to be close to Wonshik, in every way he could.

 

"Say yes,” was Taekwoon’s prompt reply when Wonshik grudgingly reported to him the latest update, as expected. Because he had guessed Taekwoon wouldn’t be pleased if he rejected Hongbin’s proposal outright, made such a big decision without consulting Taekwoon, Wonshik bought himself some time by asking Hongbin to let him think about it. Hongbin smiled, looking patient and hopeful and told him to take all the time he needed, he would be right here waiting.

He hadn’t expected anything else, but Taekwon’s cavalier ambivalence about Wonshik moving out of his house for the first time in years to go and live with another man rankled. It felt like it didn’t make much difference to Taekwoon whether he was around or not; like he was an object which could be readily given away or traded for more desirable benefits. He knew it was only for a short time, and that there would be a place in the mansion for him to return to later. But some childish, lingering part of his old self still wished irrationally that Taekwoon would express missing and reluctance to let go towards him.

So he had not much choice but to obediently move into the penthouse with Mozzi and Hongbin’s toys, his state-of-the-art Playstation and Wii and Xbox. Hongbin was a passionate gamer — another quality not listed in his file — and he roped Wonshik into playing games together till their eyes burned whenever they had free time and weren’t fooling around.

It was such a bro date thing to do, sprawled on fluffy cushions in Hongbin’s massive sitting room with their eyes trained on the screen, Hongbin’s gaze amusingly serious and competitive, erupting into childish cheers every time he won (which was most of the time). Unobtrusively, Wonshik was slowly becoming initiated into Hongbin’s lifestyle, his living patterns, becoming part of the landscape of his home.

 

"I’m home,” Hongbin’s voice echoed from the doorway where he was stepping out of his shoes and setting his briefcase down.

“Welcome home!” Wonshik flew out of his bedroom, where he had been pretending to do his “homework”. Now that they lived together, it was getting harder and harder to hide the fact that he didn’t go to school from Hongbin, and he lived on tenterhooks daily, dreading his charade being exposed. Sometimes he felt like he had turned into a full-time actor, never having the freedom to shed his role. Hearing Hongbin calling his adopted name, _Ravi-yah_ , with such unspoken volumes of tenderness and worship, he almost liked it better than his real name. The lines had blurred and he could no longer distinguish between reality and fiction. Spending the bulk of his time with Hongbin and no longer seeing his two hyungs at the house every day, he sometimes lost track of when he was Wonshik and when he was supposed to be Ravi now.

He waited for Hongbin to come home to him every night with excitement and eagerness, holding his breath for the tiredly gorgeous sight of Hongbin stepping into the foyer, his face splitting into that now-dear smile when he looked up to see the missing in Wonshik’s bright eyes.

On Pepero Day, he had given Hongbin the sexy surprise of his life by dressing up in nothing but his briefs and a frilly pink Lolita-esque apron and whipping up a (poorly-cooked) meal. Hongbin gulped audibly when he walked in, briefcase falling to the ground by his side from his slack hand as he took in Wonshik from head to toe, dumbstruck.

 

But today, his greeting was met with only silence. Sensing something amiss, he quickened his steps towards the figure in the doorway, who looked more like he had the world on his shoulders than usual. Wonshik blinked, watching Hongbin weave a little on his feet towards the couch. His eyes were glazed over and he barely looked up.

“Did you drink? Did something happen at work?” Wonshik hated to sound like a naggy housewife, knowing it wasn’t attractive, but he was genuinely worried. Because of his poor alcohol tolerance, Hongbin seldom over-drank even when he entertained clients.

Hongbin only shook his head mutely in reply to his questions.

“What’s wrong?” Wonshik tried to tamp down on the uneasy feeling rising in his chest, walking casually to stand behind Hongbin and starting to rub the knots out of his stiff shoulder muscles. He softened his voice, feeling Hongbin’s bulky and tensed arms relax under his touch. Hongbin sighed softly, leaning back and closing his eyes. Wonshik heaved a silent sigh of relief; it didn’t look like his cover was blown.

“I needed liquid courage today,” Hongbin mumbled, his eyes still closed. His voice was almost too quiet to hear and Wonshik leaned down, straining his ears.

“Why?” He waited expectantly, nudging Hongbin.

Hongbin opened his eyes and looked straight at him, gaze pained. “First, promise me you won’t get mad. Give me a chance to explain.”

His pleading tone and imploring eyes alarmed Wonshik. He shook Hongbin’s shoulders, turning him around to face him. “What’s wrong? Tell me. You’re scaring me.” His eyes combed down Hongbin’s body to check if he was hurt, then moved back up to pin his eyes. Hongbin looked worryingly bleak, like a man on trial.

He took a deep, shaky breath. “There’s no good way to say this, Ravi-yah… but I’ve been hiding something from you. The guilt was eating me up.”

Wonshik blinked, momentarily thrown, having the odd sensation that Hongbin had stolen his lines.

“What is it?” he asked, voice softer and heart pounding, praying Hongbin’s next words wouldn’t change his life forever.

“I have a fiancee.”

They weren’t what Wonshik was expecting. Hongbin’s voice was flat, his eyes still locked desperately on Wonshik’s as he continued hastily, “I’m sorry i never told you, but I never thought we would get this serious. My parents arranged for me to marry her when I turned twenty-one to help out with a merger involving both our families’ companies, but it’s always been a purely business transaction to me. I never had any feelings for her or intended to marry her from the start, even before you came along. Neither did she. When you came into my life, I was struggling with the shackles of my life, like a chained animal imprisoned in the trappings of my position. It was meeting you… that showed me clearly who I was, and who I wanted to be. In getting to know you, I felt like I truly got to know myself for the first time.

“I’m sorry I never had the guts to tell you — although I’m not in a relationship with her, I know it’s something I should have come clean about from the start. But I always chickened out — first it was because it was the beginning stages of our relationship, and everything felt so uncertain and fragile; and then I was too afraid to open my mouth. I couldn’t take the risk of losing you. It was because you’re so desperately important, that I couldn’t be honest. The chances to tell you slipped past one by one, and you grew more and more precious to me. I’m babbling — I’m sorry; all I wanted to say was that I never intended to hide anything about my life from you. I fully planned to tell you about this sooner or later, I just — don’t know why I waited till now. Ravi-yah, is it too late? Can you forgive me?”

“Whoa, Hongbin, slow down,” was all Wonshik could think to say in reply to the bombshell he had just dropped. Hongbin obediently closed his mouth, ceasing his rapidfire babble, looking both relieved and green. He studied Wonshik’s reaction closely and anxiously, awaiting his judgment with resignation and sorrow. Unlike other times he was intoxicated, Hongbin looked and sounded remarkably lucid. It was the longest speech he had ever made in one breath, and more than anything this told Wonshik how much he meant to him.

They both took deep breaths to recover. Wonshik didn’t know how he felt. On one hand, he was partially relieved that it hadn’t been a bigger crisis — or worse, something related to him. On the other, he couldn’t say in all honesty that he was totally unaffected that Hongbin had waited four months since the day they met to reveal he had a fiancee. He felt kind of pissed off, actually, as any normal lover would feel at such news, but the way Hongbin was peering worriedly at him, his heart in his eyes, was almost enough to melt away his anger.

Besides, he could hardly blame Hongbin for his white lie when he himself was a scheming liar who had committed far worse treachery than this.

“Are you angry?” Hongbin asked in a small voice, misunderstanding his stony silence.

Wonshik just looked at him mutely, wanting to scream, feeling regret creeping bitter into his throat.

_I don’t have the right to be angry. I don’t have any ownership over you. I am a fraud._

_The Ravi who's so important to you doesn't exist_.

He felt hysterical laughter bubbling up in his throat as he contemplated what kind of face Hongbin would make if he let the words leave his tongue. It occurred to him that this was how Hongbin must have felt: feeling like he had made a mistake too unforgivable to risk admitting the truth, for fear that when Wonshik knew, he would leave.

“Ravi?” Hongbin prompted, tugging at his sleeve almost fearfully. He was blinking back tears and Wonshik realised how panicked he really was. He immediately hastened to put his bedraggled lover out of his suspense.

“I’m not angry.” The words, though only half-true, instantly calmed the tumult in Hongbin’s eyes. Relief washed over his pale face and Wonshik’s heart clenched. “I was just… a little surprised.” He forced himself to continue over the lump in his throat. “I wish you’d told me earlier, but I… understand. You shouldn’t have beat yourself up over it. Whatever the problem is, we can solve it together. You have enough to deal with at work without worrying about our relationship too.”

Hongbin looked like he couldn’t believe his good luck. He grabbed Wonshik’s hands, clutching them tightly in both of his own.

“Ravi-yah, do you really mean that? You don’t mind that I’m engaged?”

Wonshik hesitated, keeping his voice calm. “Well, you said you don’t have feelings for her, right?”

Hongbin shook his head resolutely.

“And you’re not getting married anytime soon? It’s okay for us to… continue being together, right?”

Hongbin nodded tearfully with a wobbly smile.

“Then… I guess you’re forgiven, as long as you don’t keep anything else from me.”

Hongbin made a choked noise of inexpressible relief and gratitude. Wonshik gently brushed away Hongbin’s tears with his thumb, feeling like a hypocrite behind his reassuring smile. Hongbin didn’t let go of his other hand, bowing his head and burying his face in it. Wonshik could feel the wetness of his tears. it was the first time he had made Hongbin cry, and he found himself wishing wistfully and impossibly that it would be the last.

 

That night, they made up with hugs and kisses, going further than they usually did, shaking with lingering adrenaline from the intense conversation and confession. Hongbin pushed up the hem of Wonshik’s shirt and peppered worshipful kisses in a love line from his navel up to his chest, but Wonshik was the one who more aggressively latched his lips to the skin of Hongbin’s neck and sucked a careful hickey on the skin he could hide under his collar. The way Hongbin shuddered, body trembling against his, crackled like electricity in all his nerve endings.

“Does she know you’re taken?” he asked quietly later, as they were falling asleep on Hongbin’s enormous king-sized bed, Wonshik’s head pillowed on his bicep. Hongbin’s shirt was sliding off his shoulder, revealing the ivory of his exquisite clavicles. The hickey glistened dark red in the moonlight. Hongbin blinked, rumpled and sleepy, and Wonshik felt a rush of possession curling deep in his stomach.

“Hmm?” his voice was soft and drowsy. “Who?”

“Your fiancee.” Despite himself, Wonshik couldn’t help curling his lip on the word.

Hongbin’s eyes widened, comprehension darkening them. In one swift motion, he pounced.

Wonshik found Hongbin sitting astride him, holding him pinned down with his strong arms and world-tilting smile, making its appearance for the first time that night.

“Ravi, baby.” Hongbin looked positively thrilled as he caressed Wonshik’s cheek. “Is this jealousy I’m seeing?”

His cheeky, dimpled grin coupled with red-rimmed eyes and oversized sleep-shirt was too much for Wonshik to take. Hongbin was too much with his sudden, sly endearments and his breathtaking honesty and his broad shoulders and even broader heart. Wonshik suddenly felt like crying too.

Instead, he pushed Hongbin off him brusquely and buried his face in Hongbin’s outrageously soft pillow, inhaling the scent which now smelt more homely than home. “You wish,” he growled gruffly into the pillow, voice muffled. He felt Hongbin’s refined fingers stroking his hair back from his temples, the silver sandpaper tinkle of his laughter.

Hongbin leaned in close and whispered, his lips right by Wonshik’s ear. Wonshik couldn’t see his face, but he could hear the smile in Hongbin’s voice.

“You’re sassier than I thought, _hyung_."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to my readers for the confusion but I combined chapters 4 and 5 and posted them as one because I'm aiming for a certain number of chapters for this fic and don't want to exceed it, so I decided to just attach my latest update to yesterday's and make it a longer chapter :) if you've already read chapter 4, you should be able to find 5 by scrolling down to about the halfway mark.
> 
> again, warning for ravi calling hongbin master in one line!

I didn’t think it was relevant, was Taekwoon’s short, careless reply when Wonshik texted him the next morning to demand — obsequiously — why he hadn’t informed him of Hongbin’s attached status in the information.

“It might have been useful to know.” Before he knew what he was doing, Wonshik had hit the call button and was speaking directly to Taekwoon, unreadably silent on his end.

There was a baffled pause — perhaps at his tone, or him questioning Taekwoon’s decisions for the first time — before Taekwoon answered in the same even, unruffled tone of his message:

“ _I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to make you have second thoughts. I didn’t think it mattered to your task whether he has a fiancee, but you might have. You’re too soft-hearted_.”

Taekwoon stated it merely as a fact, without any affectation, but after hanging up, his words still resonated in Wonshik’s mind, provoking thought.

Was he soft-hearted? He had never thought of himself this way, more as a hard-hearted and cold person. But now, listening to the sounds of Hongbin taking his morning shower in the bathroom, humming some video game theme song softly because he was still in a good mood from Wonshik’s acceptance last night, he found himself unable to forget the incident.

 

He had been truthful — he _was_ surprised that Hongbin had secrets he was hiding from Wonshik too. He had thought, all the while, that he was the only one with a complicated past. Apparently he had been too arrogant and dismissive. Instead of feeling betrayed or deceived, though, he only felt painful when he thought of how Hongbin must have wrestled silently with his guilt the way he did with all his emotions, brooding alone and putting on a cheerful front.

The incident had made him realise that Hongbin felt accountable to him; that he worried about hurting Wonshik.

 _I don't ever want to hurt you in any way_. Hongbin had never said it in so many words, but Wonshik heard this statement implicitly in every one of his actions.

He felt deeply ashamed of heartlessly and remorsely scamming him. How could Taekwoon say he had a soft heart when he was capable of doing such a two-faced thing, with barely a shred of guilt? He felt less and less righteous, less and less entitled, assured, and certain about his mission.

Hongbin’s actions and words the previous night had shaken him deeply, made him _real_ somehow. Wonshik knew better than anyone that Hongbin wasn’t some faceless bad guy from a rival company trying to take Jung Enterprises and his benefactor Taekwoon down. He was a human being, an easily hurt, vulnerable and emotional one.

It was a strange word to use, but the perfect adjective to describe how he had discovered Hongbin to be was _fragile_.

Because Hongbin was this kind of a person. The kind who not only had a heart of gold towards strangers, but who saw only good within the people he loved and trusted. Wonshik had the wild hunch that even if Hongbin heard from someone about his identity now, he wouldn’t believe them. He seemed like the kind of person who had sailed through life, never having been let down or betrayed seriously or hurt grievously by anyone he loved before. And rightfully so. Which person who got to know Hongbin could bear to break his heart or wound him? He was the kind of person who deserved only to be showered with love and warmth all the time.

 

Hongbin walked out of the bathroom in a cloud of citrus steam, toweling his hair dry. It was a wet mass of cowlicks, and he was topless except for another towel slung low over his hipbones. Wonshik tried not to stare at the rivulets of water trickling down his grid of abdominal muscles into the valley of his hipbones darkened by a trail of down; the way his muscles shifted as gracefully as a jungle cat’s when he moved. Hongbin didn’t even notice his wide eyes skating down his torso.

“Shower’s all yours,” he smiled, starting to apply a tube of moisturiser to his porcelain skin. Wonshik swallowed dryly and scrambled off the bed, nearly tripping. Hongbin caught him before he fell flat on his face, then, smirking, tried to kiss him playfully. Wonshik fended off his advances huffily, eventually managing to escape by promising a kiss after he brushed his teeth and freshened his morning breath.

He cursed when he entered the shower, because he couldn’t even escape Hongbin here. The entire room smelled of him. Wonshik squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled greedily like he was drowning.

 

The confession Hongbin had made and Wonshik accepted seemed to increase Hongbin’s trust in him — which, Wonshik had to remind himself, was cause for celebration. He felt, more than elated, immensely and indescribably honoured the first time Hongbin opened up to him about his family, his two elegant _noona_ s who doted on him, his mother who cooked the best kimchi jjigae and his slightly strained relationship with his father in recent years caused by the pressure he applied on him to excel at work and succeed his legacy.

Wonshik listened quietly as Hongbin told him how his father was priming him to pass down the position of board chairman to him soon, and how much he wanted to take over the company from his father so he could step down and enjoy his retirement. When he spoke of how much he respected and craved recognition from his father, wanted nothing more than to make him proud, Wonshik murmured before he realised what he was saying that he knew how it felt to chase after someone’s approval.

Hongbin stopped talking and looked at him, eyes wide. “Really? Whose approval do you want?” he queried with innocent interest.

Realising his slip a beat late, Wonshik floundered. “Um… nobody in particular.”

Hongbin smiled wryly, taking his hand and weaving their fingers together. “It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” His voice was gentle and understanding. Wonshik realised he thought he was talking about his father too. He had mentioned very briefly that he had left home a few years ago and was estranged from his family, and Hongbin looked concerned and sad for him when he heard, his eyes filled with compassion and pity.

He had an inkling now of what drove Hongbin, could for the first time reconcile him and the image Taekwoon had described of him on the corporate field. Now that he knew Hongbin’s reasons and the stress he was under, the weighty burden he was carrying at such a young age, Wonshik found himself sympathizing.

 

After revealing his engagement, as if to convince Wonshik that he was the only one in his heart, Hongbin redoubled his efforts in wooing him, finding ways to spring romantic surprises on Wonshik although they lived in the same house.

This afternoon, Wonshik came back from “school” (when he usually went back to Taekwoon’s house or visited Hakyeon at the office, having nowhere else to spend the day and worrying he would be sighted if he walked the streets) to find Hongbin already in the house, sitting on the couch looking regal with his right leg crossed over his left knee and arms draped over the back of the couch.

He broke into a smile, sitting up straighter when Wonshik walked in. Wonshik noticed that he was wearing a new outfit he hadn’t seen before, looking more debonair and dashing than his usual workwear with a fancy bow tie around his neck. The lock of hair over his forehead was curled comma style, revealing his large eyes and making him look more adult and mature.

“Do you have an event to attend?” Wonshik guessed, closing the front door and smiling at his boyfriend who looked ready for a magazine shoot.

Hongbin shook his head, lips pressed together in a smile. He beckoned Wonshik. “Come here, _jagi_.”

Wonshik blushed at the endearment, but obediently dropped his bag on the armchair and approached. He sat down on Hongbin’s lap and let him wrap his arms around his waist, bouncing him a little.

“Don’t you have to leave soon?” he turned to ask when Hongbin nuzzled his nose into the back of his shirt, inhaling deeply as though Wonshik didn’t just smell of sweat from the whole day out.

Hongbin held him tighter so he couldn’t squirm and shook his head, notching his chin on Wonshik’s shoulder. He batted his lashes up at Wonshik angelically. “Nope. I’ll be home all night. We’re going to have a candlelight dinner.”

He sounded so happy that Wonshik’s heart missed a beat.

 

It turned out that Hongbin had prepared dinner, which he unveiled from beneath a tablecloth with a flourish. Choosing not to risk cooking complicated recipes, he had just bought finger food which needed little preparation but was still exotic and mouthwatering like fresh oysters, cheese, wine, smoked salmon and champagne grapes.

They ended the dinner feeding each other caviar and lox across the table. The candlelight flickered across Hongbin’s features, making shadows fall across his face and shroud his expression as he watched Wonshik lick his fingers clean. Hongbin’s eyes glistened in the orange glow with a hunger that the food hadn’t been able to satiate. His fingers trembled slightly under the ministrations of Wonshik’s tongue.

So maybe Wonshik had gone overboard with the seduction, pushing Hongbin past his limit — but Hongbin clearly wasn’t innocent either, as the gift he presented Wonshik with after dinner revealed.

Narrowing his eyes at Hongbin, Wonshik tugged the gaudy red ribbon tied around the black gift box gently. It unraveled at just a touch, falling gracefully at all four sides of the box. Hongbin lifted his eyebrows, silently urging Wonshik to open the box with a smile.

He gasped when he uncovered it to find a black mesh shirt and a smaller, rectangular Tiffany jewelry box inside. Prisms of candlelight refracted from the scarlet diamonds studded round the circumference of the gold choker inside.

“Rubies and rose gold,” Hongbin said softly, his voice caressing. “They’re going to look stunning against your skin.”

Wonshik gasped softly; it was the most costly gift Hongbin had given him so far. “I-I can’t accept it; it’s way too expensive —“ he backed away, stammering and knowing it would make him appear greedy to take it without protest.

Predictably, Hongbin just shook his head, smiling.

“If it makes my baby happy, nothing is too expensive.”

Wonshik nearly choked on his next word, unable to believe Hongbin had just called him that.

“Are you drunk?” His voice sounded high-pitched.

Hongbin’s smile turned reproachful, teasing. “No. I mean what I said. Come over here and let me put it on for you.”

Wonshik leaned forward as if hypnotized by Hongbin’s entrancing eyes. Hongbin unclasped the gold band carefully and reached around his neck, fastening and clicking it closed adroitly. Then he leaned back to admire his handiwork.

“You look so god damn sexy,” he breathed, eyes eating Wonshik up. Wonshik was feeling slightly surreal, as if another version of Hongbin had taken over him. He was acting slicker and more daring than he usually did, with intention. Wonshik shuddered, wondering what Hongbin wanted to do with him tonight.

“Really?” he smiled innocently, running his fingers over the solid, delicately-wrought gold, and Hongbin nodded solemnly.

“You’d better believe it. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to see you in a choker again since the first night we met.”

Hongbin’s next hushed words robbed him of breath, stupefied his smart mouth for the first time. The choker he wore at their first meeting had been a random choice, and he had no idea till now that it was a weakness of Hongbin’s.

“Put on the shirt too,” Hongbin ordered, voice low. Wonshik moved on autopilot under his quiet gaze, clumsily taking the shirt out of the box and stripping off what he was wearing, then pulling it down over his bare body, careful not to tear the diaphanous material. The choker felt cold and steely against the skin of his neck when he moved, deliciously so.

Hongbin’s breathing had harshened, eyes riveted on his every move, and Wonshik’s heart was hammering faster too. Hongbin seemed different today, in a thrilling way, and for the first time Wonshik couldn’t predict what he would ask him to do, where he would stop.

He wondered if Hongbin had just intended to present him with the gifts and watch him dress up from afar, not touching. He realized that he didn’t want Hongbin to stop.

He liked this new, slightly more domineering Hongbin. This Hongbin who clearly wanted more but still retained a hint of uncertainty and prudence tightening his eyes, holding himself back. Even when he tried to act beastly, Hongbin was still so achingly pure like a piece of white paper Wonshik wanted to colour in.

His quiet authoritativeness and aggressiveness; the way he had called Wonshik baby without blushing, was incredibly hot. It made Wonshik want to call him…

“Daddy."

 

The word crackled in the air between them, thick with tension. There was an interminable pause as Hongbin stared at him, frozen.

Then:

“Get on your knees, princess.”

Hongbin’s voice was quiet, even. He didn’t stutter on his order, but his words demanded complete and immediate submission. Eyes burning, he loosened his tie and collar with his elegant fingers.

Without a word, Wonshik got off the couch and sank to his knees in a docile position before Hongbin. The carpet was soft under his calves. Hongbin shifted, spreading his legs wider. His breath rattled in his throat.

“Daddy…” Wonshik murmured again, eyes cast down. Hongbin inhaled sharply. There was another charged silence, before his low voice broke it, sounding surprisingly gentle.

“Yes, baby boy?”

“Will you undress for your baby too?”

“Of course, pet.” Wonshik’s skin tingled at Hongbin’s soft reply. He looked up eagerly to behold Hongbin’s lithe, pantherlike figure before him, his eyes at Hongbin’s knee level. Hongbin slowly and elegantly undid his red tie, then the buttons of his midnight silk shirt. He had taken off his dinner jacket earlier. He looked poised and classy even in the act of removing his clothes. Like a daddy. Wonshik liked the way he had called him pet, too, like Hongbin owned him.

Hongbin finally shed his shirt like a butterfly shedding its chrysalis, revealing a breathtakingly broad chest, set of shoulders and rock-hard abdominal muscles, toned and sculpted to perfection without a single ounce of fat. Wonshik couldn’t help reaching out a naughty hand to touch, without asking. Beneath his fingertips, Hongbin’s torso was all rippling musculature and sinew. He let Wonshik explore, breathing labouring.

“Jesus. You’re ripped,” Wonshik couldn’t help muttering. It wasn’t the first time he was seeing or touching Hongbin’s body, but it felt like it. Hongbin seemed to have bulked up even more recently, the presence looming over him feeling larger than usual.

Hongbin emitted a breathy chuckle unexpectedly, sounding like his usual clumsy self again. “I used to play basketball competitively,” he tossed out idly. The way he switched within one second from powerful and forbidding back to his reserved, mild-mannered self made Wonshik want to worship him. It made him whisper,

“Let me suck you off, daddy.”

Hongbin’s answering silence made him add more roughly: “Please.”

“Baby —“ Hongbin started, then lost his composure. He reached out a hand to lift Wonshik’s chin up, studying him urgently. “Are you sure, sweetheart?” His tone was completely different, himself again.

Wonshik nodded, greedily and eagerly. “Yes, please. Now,” he moaned.

It was enough to make Hongbin reach down and haul him gently into a kneeling position with his hand around his choker. He himself stood up, bringing Wonshik to face level with his crotch, straining visibly in his linen slacks.

Hongbin let go of Wonshik and fumbled to unfasten his belt, button and unzip himself. Wonshik didn’t know where to look — Hongbin’s crotch or his eyes blazing down at Wonshik with an unspeakable emotion.

Hongbin let his slacks fall, pooling at his ankles. Wonshik cleverly leaned forward to mouth the bulge tenting the front of his briefs.

Hongbin made a choked noise low in his throat, his hands reaching up to tangle in Wonshik’s hair, tugging and tightening. His fingers kneaded Wonshik’s scalp.

 

Knowing exactly what to do although it was his first time, Wonshik slid his thumbs beneath the hem of Hongbin’s underwear, caressing his hipbones and lowering his briefs down over his pelvis. He nuzzled his nose and lips against Hongbin’s happy trail, down to his pubic hair, until he felt Hongbin’s cock straining impatiently up and rubbing his chin, smearing his Adam’s apple with sticky precome.

Hongbin groaned, bringing one hand up from Wonshik’s hair to press his knuckles prettily into his mouth. His body was rocked with tremors.

Wonshik started tonguing down from his happy trail with kitten licks, but Hongbin didn’t rush him. He just lowered his hand from his mouth, the other still holding Wonshik in place by his hair, and wrapped his fingers around the base of his hard cock.

Wonshik drew back, gulping in air. He looked up at Hongbin through his lashes, heart pounding deafeningly through every inch of his feverish skin. Hongbin gazed down at him, eyelids at half-mast, looking more gorgeous flushed and undone than Wonshik had ever seen him.

He felt the head of Hongbin’s cock nudging his parted lips as Hongbin guided it towards his mouth, pushing gently but insistently. Without resisting, Wonshik let his lips fall open.

Hongbin’s sigh as he slid into the warmth of Wonshik’s mouth was almost profane. Desperate to make him feel good, Wonshik did his best to envelope Hongbin’s girth which filled his mouth and stretched his lips wide over his erection. He was pretty clueless about what to do and how to give pleasure, but knew he had to suck.

Experimentally, he hollowed his cheeks with difficulty over Hongbin’s cock and ran his tongue down a vein throbbing on the underside.

Apparently, he was doing something right because Hongbin’s body bucked and he threw his head back and cursed.

“Fuck, Ravi…” Hongbin’s voice sounded impossibly deep, coming from far up ahead. His pelvic muscles were tensed. Wonshik made use of his hands to grip the back of Hongbin’s upper thighs, then move slowly to the front of his pelvis to circle the remaining length he couldn’t take in, touching his own lips, slick with spit and precome. Hongbin’s legs were trembling almost weakly.

Wonshik pulled his lips back a little with a wet noise, careful not to scrape Hongbin with his teeth. He breathed desperately through his nose, eyes tearing up a little.

Hongbin made the most adorable mewling noise of protest when he pulled off his dick to speak. His cock was even more engorged than before and flushed a beautiful red colour, precome beading at the slit and viscous mixed with his saliva along the thick length. Wonshik looked up to see Hongbin’s jaw clenched tightly, his panting erratic. His hand in Wonshik’s hair tousled the mussed locks fondly but didn’t push him back down on his cock.

“What is it?” Hongbin whispered, eyes glinting down worriedly. “Are you okay? You don’t have to continue if you’re uncomfortable, I can take care of it myself —“

“Hongbin.” Wonshik’s affectionate word silenced him effortlessly, forgetting about the kink they had been playing with. Just as he thought, it was an unbelievably intimate and erotic experience calling Hongbin’s name from down here, where he felt more powerful than anyone ever had on their knees. He couldn’t miss it. He swallowed and licked his lips.

“Fuck my mouth,” Wonshik murmured, locking eyes with him meaningfully.

Hongbin gasped, shock clearing the glassiness of his eyes. “What? Are you sure?”

Wonshik nodded determinedly. “I don’t really know what to do. You should take control."

Hongbin’s eyes definitely glimmered with desire at those last two words.

“This isn’t a good idea —“ Hongbin started weakly, but Wonshik didn’t wait for him to finish. Impatiently, he took Hongbin’s cock into his mouth again, sliding his tongue around it and making Hongbin lose his thread of speech.

“A-ah, Ravi…” Hongbin sounded agonized, close to sobbing. His cock was heavy on Wonshik’s tongue, throbbing for release. Beneath, Wonshik’s own erection chafed against the tightness of his jeans, and he rutted a little for friction.

He didn’t continue sucking, peeking up expectantly at Hongbin through his lashes again. He waited, lips stretched around Hongbin’s cock, until Hongbin finally let out a frustrated grunt and grabbed his hair again, but not roughly. He pulled back a little out of Wonshik’s mouth, then made a careful thrust in again. Wonshik’s throat instinctively tightened in resistance as he felt the blunt head of Hongbin’s cock hit it. Hongbin stopped, buried deep inside his mouth.

“You okay?” he asked tightly, staring down intently. Wonshik nodded, eyes watering more. He swirled his tongue a little and Hongbin swore, spasming. He started moving again, thrusting his hips forward in a gentle rhythm into Wonshik’s mouth. Wonshik got used to the sensation and tried to relax his throat, diligently sucking Hongbin in when he thrusted to accomodate his thickness and length as far back as it could go.

Hongbin’s pace was quickening and growing sloppy, his dick making squelching and smacking sounds as it slid in and out of Wonshik’s lips. His fist tightened to almost painfulness in Wonshik’s hair, fingers curling. Finally, Hongbin pulled out, grabbing his own cock in a sloppy, white-knuckled grip. Precome dripped from the tip.

Wonshik looked up at him questioningly. Hongbin’s face was a blotchy dark red. “I’m going to come. I don’t want to make you swallow it.”

He pulled at his length a few times, breaths seizing. “Then come on my face,” Wonshik blurted out, not realising what he had said until Hongbin’s movements stopped and his mouth fell open.

“What?”

Wonshik nodded firmly, craning his head to make eye contact with Hongbin. He gazed up into Hongbin’s eyes seriously.

“Debase me… master."

 

That was all it took for Hongbin to come, without warning. The white streaks were warm on Wonshik’s face, decorating his mouth. He slipped his tongue out to lick around his lips, which made Hongbin emit a strangled noise. His prolonged orgasm finally ended with him cupping his palm around his dick to stem the rest of the ejaculation and he looked mortified.

“I’m sorry, I —“

“Don’t be,” Wonshik replied smoothly, cutting him off. “Is it my turn now?" He reached down to palm himself through his jeans, fucking into his own hand.

Hongbin gazed down at him, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, hand still around his now-limp dick, before nodding speechlessly. “O-of course.” His voice was raw.

“Good.” Wonshik helped him lift his briefs back up, then wear and button up his pants again. He could barely think straight, he was so hard, but Hongbin looked even more wrecked than he felt. Wonshik stood up, knees shaky and cramping a little. Hongbin caught him, the strength of his arms reminding Wonshik that he wasn’t as weak as he looked. Hongbin stroked his bangs back to peer into his eyes, concerned. Wonshik smiled reassuringly and leaned closer to stamp a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“Then carry me to your bed,” he whispered.

 

He was on his knees again, on Hongbin’s bed. He was on his hands and knees, face being ground into Hongbin’s pillow with every thrust from the back shaking his entire body. Hongbin had taken it slow at first, teasing him open finger by finger and pushing into him with gentle strokes, pressing carefully into him inch by inch so he could get used to the burn. But now Wonshik could sense he was close again from how he had lost control, rhythm and pace picking up as he slammed into Wonshik’s prostate, pounding relentlessly into him again and again until he worked Wonshik up to the point of falling apart.

The sheets were bunched up in Wonshik’s white-knuckled grip as he struggled to hold his ass in the air, to keep his legs from giving in. He breathed loudly through his mouth, between Hongbin’s ragged panting. Hongbin’s strong pelvis slapped against his ass again and again as he pistoned in and out, lube and precome and sweat making the noises sticky. His dick swelled within Wonshik’s ass with his impending load, painfully hard. His callused hand was wrapped around Wonshik’s cock, thumb teasing the slit with repeated stimulation. Wonshik could feel his own orgasm building and tightening his lower body, warmth pooling in his gut. He writhed, the movement making him contract and clench over Hongbin’s cock. Hongbin stiffened, the way he had before he came during the blowjob.

Hongbin came first, emptying himself in a final wracking thrust balls deep into Wonshik. Wonshik felt the hot liquid of his come filling him up and leaking out of his ass from the sides of Hongbin’s softening dick. But Hongbin didn’t pull out, continuing to penetrate him until he came. He had deliberately waited till he was done to focus his attentions on Wonshik’s neglected and aching cock. Hongbin remained buried deep in him as he carefully, skilfully pumped his tight fist over Wonshik’s cock, letting the gathering precome smoothen his strokes. His languid pace mounted in response to Wonshik’s anguished squirming and guttural groans.

Hongbin seemed to sense, as if by telepathy, when he couldn’t take it any longer. The pad of his thumb rubbed against Wonshik’s tip, and he scraped his fingernail over his sensitive slit.

“Come now,” Hongbin ordered, gravelly voice hot by his ear, and like a puppet, Wonshik’s entire body tightened and shuddered in ecstatic release, his thighs quaking. His legs finally gave out, entire body growing boneless. Hongbin slumped over him, his body draped heavily over Wonshik’s. Both of them were still breathing loudly, their hearts racing and chests heaving. Hongbin’s hand was still loosely encircling his flaccid dick, Wonshik’s come trickling between his fingers. When he pulled out, Wonshik felt his come dribbling out of his hole. It was the lewdest, most intimate and erotic sensation he had ever felt. He felt like they had grown a world closer tonight.

 

When he blinked opened his eyes to the morning light, his last hazy memory was of Hongbin pulling the covers over his shoulder, tucking him in clumsily. His body was warm and slack against Wonshik’s, their bare skin smooth and soft where they touched. Despite all his muscles, Hongbin’s body was full of softness and curves and cushiony flesh. Just like his pillowy lips and untainted smile, everything about him was so generous with no sharp angles or hard edges. Despite his towering height and sturdy frame, there was something delicate about him that drew out all of Wonshik’s protective instincts.

Hongbin was still slumbering beside him, lashes splayed across his cheekbones and mouth slightly parted, looking angelic in sleep. His hair was a mess, like the covers and Wonshik’s clothes scattered randomly over the floor and his thighs, which felt sticky and gross. Wonshik’s hips and back ached, not unpleasantly. He was still naked except for the choker around his neck, which bit into his skin a little. He fingered it, fiddling with the clasp and finally managing to take it off. It was exquisite in his hand, the rubies glowing crimson in the morning sunlight. It was nearly the same colour as the mess of hickeys on his collarbones and pecs. He even found one on his neck, which meant he would have to wear turtlenecks for the next few days.

 

He returned to the room bearing a tray of breakfast to find Hongbin sitting up in bed, eyes puffy and hair hopelessly tousled. He was fingering the choker Wonshik had left on the bedside table and looking a little crestfallen.

Wonshik walked in, trying not to move his legs awkwardly. He wasn’t limping — his thighs just still had the lingering sensation that there was something between and he didn’t want Hongbin to feel like he had been too rough. Hongbin looked too adorable with nothing but the sheets pooled around his waist that he couldn’t help but smile.

He clung to Wonshik the moment he set the tray down on the bedside table, burying his face in the silk shirt he was wearing last night Wonshik had thrown on, wanting to surprise Hongbin by serving him breakfast in his shirt. Wonshik chuckled and stroked his fluffy hair.

“I thought you were gone,” Hongbin mumbled, muffled against his chest. He pressed his lips against the skin revealed by the undone top buttons, his lips drawing up a shiver in Wonshik.

He gently detached himself to lean back and peer into Hongbin’s eyes. “Why would you think that?”

Hongbin shrugged, looking sheepish. “I don’t know. I just woke up and saw the open choker and suddenly felt scared. It was our first time so — I thought maybe you had freaked out and ran. Last night was pretty wild. I never did anything like that before. I worried… that it wasn’t as good for you as it was for me.”

Wonshik’s mouth dropped open. Had Hongbin not heard him moaning like an animal in heat the previous night? It was inconceivable that he could doubt his own skill, even consider the possibility that he had not given Wonshik the most pleasure he had ever felt in his life.

“It was amazing,” he said quietly, making Hongbin look up stricken with relief and happiness. Wonshik tenderly cradled the back of Hongbin’s head and dropped a kiss on his crown. “I’m going to shower first. Eat your breakfast.”

“Yes sir.” Hongbin smiled up at him, showing his teeth and nodded, kissing his knuckles before he reluctantly let go.

 

When he emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later, having indulged in a hot soak in Hongbin’s luxurious jacuzzi bathtub, Hongbin was wearing his shirt. Wonshik didn’t know if it was because he had taken Hongbin’s and he had nothing else to wear, or he wanted to surprise him in return, but it was the most touching gesture he had ever received. He tried not to sulk that Hongbin looked better wearing his shirt than he ever had, on account of his cuteness.

Hongbin had made the bed and stripped the sheets off to wash helpfully. He looked up from where he was sitting on an armchair with his legs crossed, smiling tentatively. Wonshik smiled back.

“You look good in my shirt.”

“Not as good as you.” Hongbin’s dimple etched into his cheek, as if he knew exactly what Wonshik was thinking.

Wonshik rolled his eyes, trying not to smile. “You can go shower now. You’ll be late for work if you don’t hurry.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m the CEO, I can be as late as I want.” Wonshik’s brows shot up at Hongbin’s first abuse of his authority he had displayed. He was always very professional and a stickler for punctuality.

Wonshik laughed, trying not to blush as Hongbin’s flaunting of his authority reminded him of how commanding he had been the night before. But Hongbin just continued sitting there, smiling at him.

“By the way, someone called you while you were in the bathroom.” Wonshik looked up at Hongbin’s voice, his tone shifting uncertainly as he went on. “Who’s _Leo hyung_?”

Wonshik gulped. He had changed Taekwoon and Hakyeon’s contacts in his phone to code names too at the start of his mission, not risking a single detail. His phone was password-locked but he knew Hongbin would never snoop into his messages and stuff even if it wasn’t.

Now, Hongbin was chewing on his lip in the armchair, looking sheepish but curious. Wonshik felt a giddy warmth swell in his chest. Hongbin had always been a pretty laidback and placid lover, never really displaying any overbearing or jealous tendencies, but maybe taking their relationship to the next level had made him feel more possessive over Wonshik. Instead of feeling annoying or stifling, he found Hongbin’s territorialness unexpectedly hot.

“Ah… nobody special. Just one of my hyungs,” he hedged vaguely.

“Do you have many of them?” Hongbin pressed, looking embarrassed but interested.

“Just a few. Why?” Wonshik turned the focus away from himself before he let slip anything.

Relievingly, Hongbin didn’t pursue the topic, absorbed with blushing again. “I don’t know. I guess sometimes I just feel lacking that I’m not older than you. You must idolise your older hyungs a lot.”

Wonshik’s eyes widened at how well Hongbin knew him. “It would be weird if you were older than me. You wouldn’t be Hongbin,” he muttered, blushing too. His awkward words seemed to successfully placate Hongbin, who stood up with a smug smile lacing his lips and finally went to take his shower.

 

After they crossed the physical barrier, their relationship seemed to gain a whole new dimension. It was a new world, a fresh level of closeness Wonshik could never even have imagined before. It was unspoken but obvious that Hongbin now trusted him twice as much, both physically and mentally. Metaphorically, it was like he had found the key that opened the lock to Hongbin’s heart and mind.

After that, everything he had wanted, the goals he had set out to achieve at the beginning of his mission, came ridiculously easily. Wonshik didn’t even need to think of a subtle way to ask because Hongbin volunteered the information readily — about his day at work; about the company’s confidential matters; and most importantly, about Jung Enterprises.

The first time he heard the name of his company in Hongbin’s voice, Wonshik had a hard time keeping a straight face. His acting was so stiff he thought his face might crack as he pretended this was the first time he was hearing of this company, and was curious and interested in the most innocent way.

When he heard Hongbin say, “They’re our biggest rivals and threat,” his heart sank, even though he had already heard as much from Taekwoon. He had been hoping, unrealistically, in some unconscious part of him, that the matter would resolve itself conveniently, so he wouldn’t have to be involved, and could stay by Hongbin’s side and live with him happily ever after. He should’ve known better than to be so naive. But it was still depressing to hear that the rivalry and competition between the two companies, the two men he was caught between, was still very much alive. And that he held both their fates in his hand.

“So… what are your plans regarding them?” He finally uttered the million-dollar question he had waited nearly half a year to ask, with what anyone who knew him well would be able to tell was rehearsed casualness. Hongbin didn’t seem to notice, and he didn’t know whether to feel thankful or bittersweet that as quickly and head over heels as they had fallen for each other at first sight, Hongbin still didn’t know him completely after all. Or maybe he was simply blind to the possibility that Wonshik might have any flaws or ulterior motives.

Hongbin frowned, considering his answer seriously as he waited with bated breath and faked disinterest, studying his nails. “They’re coming up against us a lot lately, pitching for almost all the same projects as us and trying to one-up our company. It’s obvious that they want a challenge, and if it comes down to that, there’s no way Lee Holdings is backing down. We’d lose our reputation in the industry and the stocks would plummet. If only one of us can survive in this field, I’m not giving up without a fight.”

Wonshik had never heard Hongbin sound so determined or aggravated. It was obvious that this issue had been causing him more than a little stress for some time.

“Oh? And are you confident of defeating them?” He slid a strategic hand down Hongbin’s thigh, to distract him from noticing the tenseness he couldn’t help revealing in his tone.

Hongbin’s eyes flickered down to his hand, his smile growing predatory and eyes losing their sharpness. His own hand went down to intertwine with Wonshik’s, keeping it pressed firmly against his strong thigh muscles. “You’ve played enough games with me to know that I hate losing.” Hongbin’s voice was a notch lower, his dimpled smirk insinuating.

Wonshik let him tackle him down without resisting, and minutes later, as Hongbin diligently blew him, he threw his head back against the back of the couch and hazily processed what he had just learned. This was far from enough information — Hongbin hadn’t told him much more than what he already knew — but he had to be patient and slowly extract the rest of the more confidential details bit by bit. He had already been patient for so long, he could afford to wait a while more — He lost his train of thought here because Hongbin was doing things with his mouth and tongue that were positively illegal, and allowed himself to submerge into nothing but carnal pleasure for a few heartbeats.

 

In the days that followed, he began asking innocuous questions about Jung Enterprises, pretending to have grown a harmless interest in this particular dealing of Hongbin’s company. Hongbin seemed amused but indulgent towards his cutely phrased questions, but unsuspicious. Wonshik was careful to fake ignorance and ditzy cluelessness, which made Hongbin even prouder to show off his expertise, especially when Wonshik complimented him on sounding sexy when he talked business seriously (which was true).

He learnt about specific details on the projects both companies were competing for, which he immediately sent to Taekwoon and Hakyeon, from Hongbin’s bathroom, or personally went to the office to report when Hongbin was at work.

It didn’t take long before Lee Holdings was losing a lot of its clients to Jung Enterprises. Hongbin became visibly more stressed, although he tried not to bring his work problems home. He continued confiding his troubles to Wonshik, and his counter-strategies, which of course only worsened the situation. Within three weeks, Lee Holdings was in dire straits; the share prices had dropped steeply in the most drastic company crisis since Hongbin took over; and rumours were rife in the business world that Hongbin’s company was on the verge of filing for bankruptcy. Wonshik didn’t ask Taekwoon if he was connected to how they had started. He was afraid of hearing the answer.

He was stunned by the havoc he had wreaked, how just a small fry like him had almost singlehandedly brought a company to its knees in a matter of weeks. It was only at this point that he truly understood how much power Hongbin wielded — and by proxy, _he_ wielded, since Hongbin had surrendered all his power, everything he owned to Wonshik. He felt staggered, sickened. He didn’t want to look at the aftermath of his sneaky unscrupulous games, the miniature disaster he had set into motion.

When he had first agreed to the assignment — back then, Hongbin was a mere picture, a faceless name in a file. An entitled and deserving, overprivileged spoilt brat born with a silver spoon in his mouth, who deserved to be taught a lesson.

Today, he was the man Wonshik had, against all his better judgment, fallen hopelessly for, who was losing weight daily and visibly, returning home in the graveyard hours of night pale and wan, previously chubby and well-fed face looking haggard and haunted, dark circles under his dull eyes. He was the man who broke down privately in Wonshik’s arms, confessing that he didn’t know what else to do; that he was scared, terrified, had lost almost all his confidence and dignity and subordinates’ trust.

Wonshik felt every single smile missing from Hongbin’s face as a blow against his chest.

 

He had done this. All of this. And now, despite accomplishing what he had set out to do, saving Taekwoon and Hakyeon and saving their company, he felt no joy, only regret and sorrow.

How could he ever have thought he would gain any pleasure in breaking Hongbin?

Worse, how could he ever have thought he could destroy Hongbin and what belonged to him without destroying himself too in the process?

Now, he saw clearly that he had been too arrogant and selfish. He had implicated himself too deeply inside this and now couldn’t extricate himself.

 

One Friday night when Hongbin was working overtime, his side of the bed cold, and Wonshik was tossing and turning sleepless as he did more and more nowadays, he received a text from Hakyeon telling him to come back the next morning and accompany him and Taekwoon on a trip to Taekwoon’s Jeju-do villa.

Wonshik snorted incredulously at the message, his fingers poised to send back a declination. He guessed that the two men were headed to celebrate their string of victories against Lee Holdings, but he was in no mood to see their smug, gloating faces right now, unaware and uncaring about how many people they had made miserable in their crusade.

Then he thought twice and backspaced the curt rejection he had typed out. Maybe… even if it was too late for him to save the situation, he could at least buy Hongbin some time, even if not enough to repair the damage, at least to rest before he fell ill from overworking.

Taekwoon and Hakyeon looked the picture of carefree vacationers when he arrived back at the mansion the next morning. They were decked out in jaunty straw hats, a ribbon around Hakyeon’s. Wonshik smiled stiffly at Taekwoon from over his shoulder as Hakyeon hugged him tightly, exclaiming that he had lost weight and fretting whether he had been eating well. Despite himself, he relaxed at Hakyeon’s genuine concern for him. No matter what they had done to Hongbin, he hadn’t stopped caring for them and he knew they cared for him too. They were his only family, had been for the last four years.

He found a chance during the trip to speak to Taekwoon alone, crossing his fingers nervously.

First, he thanked Taekwoon for how patiently he had waited for Wonshik to accomplish his mission. Taekwoon smiled and said that it was no big deal; he had had faith in Wonshik. And the wait had been entirely worth it because Wonshik had delivered in the end.

"I'm proud of you." Taekwoon finally said the four words Wonshik had dreamt day and night of hearing, only now they felt empty and meaningless.

“Taekwoon hyung,” Wonshik hedged, finally coming to his point. “I just wanted to ask… could you go easy on them for a bit?”

Taekwoon looked up, his eyes narrowing. He studied Wonshik who averted his eyes from Taekwoon’s shrewd gaze guiltily.

“What do you mean, let up on them?” Taekwoon’s voice was inflectionless, neutral. He turned back to look at the horizon — they were on the pier — and stuck his hands into his pockets.

Wonshik cleared his throat, sweating. “I mean… just cut them some slack, give them a break. Let them win a few cases, or something. It’s no big deal to you, anyway. You’ve already got victory in your bag.”

Taekwoon turned to look at him again, directing his intense gaze at Wonshik as if seeing through him transparently.

“Wonshik-ah.” His real name in Taekwoon’s mellow, thoughtful voice brought back memories from twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four — memories of care and happiness and warmth. And Wonshik understood instinctively why he had taken on the case for Taekwoon. Taekwoon was his hyung, and dongsaengs stuck with their hyungs, obeying and respecting and deferring to them no matter the situation. It was the first time he had been called by this name in what felt like a lifetime, and it felt like he suddenly turned back from Ravi into Kim Wonshik, from Cinderella’s carriage into a pumpkin. Just that one word, his given name, reminded him of who he was and what his duties were.

 

Even if Hongbin was ideal enough to be a prince, Wonshik was no princess.

He was only masquerading as one. And he didn’t have confidence that once Hongbin discovered his true identity, he would still accept and forgive him.

Taekwoon spoke again, slowly and calmly. “Have you fallen for Lee Hongbin?”

“W-what?” Wonshik stuttered, heart leaping out of his throat at Taekwoon’s sharp intuition. “How can that be possible? He’s a guy, and our arch-enemy!” His fake laugh sounded brittle and unconvincing.

Taekwoon just looked at him without saying anything, tilting his head. Wonshik started babbling, as he always did when he was nervous to cover it up.

“I was just… worried he’ll suspect me. If you win a straight row of cases without any losses, people are bound to start speculating on foul play. It’ll seem much more realistic and natural if you win some and lose some. As long as you win more by a safe margin, it doesn’t matter, right?” His tone had grown pleading.

Taekwoon finally opened his mouth to reply. His voice was gentle and worldly-wise.

“You’ve gone soft, Wonshik-ah,” he murmured, but not harshly. “You must know by now that the business world is a battlefield, a dog-eat-dog universe. You either kill, or be killed. It’s necessary to sacrifice others if you want to survive. There can only be one winner. It’s nothing personal, just inevitable. It’s the law of the jungle — only the strongest can remain in the game. One of us has to go down and if it’s not them, it will be us. Do you want to see that happen? That’s business. We’re not running a charity here.

“Compassion and sympathy — there are no room for such qualities in our line of work,” Taekwoon finished, seeming to read his mind. “It’s not the most noble profession — but you have to understand that this is what I have to do to protect Jung Enterprises, as the CEO.”

“I do understand,” Wonshik lied.

“Do you really?”

“Do you care?”

“I do,” Taekwoon replied finally. “It is important to me what you think of me. It’s important to me how you feel.”

Wonshik felt like retorting, then, if he cared how Wonshik felt about the fact that an entire company could possibly collapse because of him; that he could ruin somebody’s life — somebody he cared for — and break their heart irreparably. That all he wanted was to buy Hongbin a window of time to regroup, no matter how small, because Wonshik worried that if he carried on working himself to the bone like this he would run out of steam.

No, he knew, he couldn’t say it out. Taekwoon would point out his error, reasonably and rationally. That this wasn’t the first company Jung Enterprises had swallowed whole, bulldozed over, just one of many; that Hongbin was just another typical CEO who had failed in his job; that Lee Holdings was just another of the million companies that went bust every day because of a misjudgment, a betrayal, a weakness.

And maybe it was true. Maybe it was just a matter of perspective, because if Taekwoon had never ordered him to infiltrate Hongbin’s company and life, up till this day Wonshik would still see him as a one-dimensional enemy, unworthy of sympathy or compassion. Maybe Taekwoon was right and he had switched sides along the way, even without himself being aware.

He realised that somewhere along the way, he had tired of these company politics, the push-and-pull rat race and cutthroat competition. He had started caring about the people involved, the faces and humanity behind the cold mechanical structure of two companies.

He didn’t realise how deep in thought he was until Taekwoon placed a gentle finger on his brow and smoothed out the frown lines. He bestowed another of the minute smiles that had made Wonshik so crazy before.

He thought he might be dreaming when Taekwoon said, acquiescingly, “All right. I’ll spare them some pity and not kick a dying dog. For your sake.” He let the last three words hang in the air between them, holding Wonshik’s eyes meaningfully.

“Thank you, hyung.” Wonshik fought to control his expression from crumpling in relief. “I appreciate it.” Taekwoon nodded shortly.

“And Wonshik-ah,” he added as a parting shot, “Don’t worry about being found out. We’ll protect you at all costs."

 

"Ravi-yah, where are you taking me?” Hongbin complained, stumbling a little because of his blindfolded eyes. Wonshik caught hold of his arms firmly and led him slowly the rest of the way to his motorcycle, where he finally untied the blindfold.

Hongbin blinked at the sunlight in his retinas, looking more washed out in the sun. He hadn’t gone to the gym in weeks but he still looked too thin and gaunt, with an unhealthy pallor. His eyes looked darker and larger against his ashen face and hollowed cheeks, his cheekbones and jaw painfully sharp.

“I’m kidnapping you for one day,” Wonshik announced. “For the next twenty-four hours, you’re not allowed to talk or even think about work. No matter what happens. They can do without you for.a day. You can’t go another day without rest. No arguments,” he interjected before Hongbin started his protest. “It’s non-negotiable.” He reached into Hongbin’s jacket pocket and fished out his cell phone, turning it off.

“Today,” he declared, taking Hongbin’s chin and forcing him to look into his eyes, “You’re going to spend the whole day with me, and only think about me. That’s the condition of your kidnapper before he releases you.”

Hongbin was staring at him, nonplussed, but he cracked a small smile at this. It was a frail imitation of his usual dazzling grin, but Wonshik tried to be grateful for baby steps. “And who’s my kidnapper? You?” The eyes he regarded Wonshik with were achingly adoring.

“Bingo,” Wonshik replied crisply, not daring to add more in case he choked up. He tossed Hongbin his passenger helmet. “Get on.” He gruffly jerked his head to the seat behind him before straddling his bike. He held his breath until he felt the seat dipping with another person’s weight, the familiar warmth of Hongbin’s pliant body settling against his back, his head resting tiredly on Wonshik’s shoulderblade. Hongbin backhugged him tightly as if Wonshik was the only thing holding him together right now.

“Take me away, sexy kidnapper,” he whispered in Wonshik’s ear. Wonshik obediently revved up the engine and roared onto the freeway.

 

He should’ve known that there would be a catch; Hongbin wouldn’t be so easily persuaded to ditch his duties and run away with him — but that day still turned out to be an oasis in the desert, the eye of the storm. They were barely off the freeway when Hongbin gave him an address and told him to go there. When Wonshik asked suspiciously where it was, a glimpse of Hongbin’s dimples appeared for the first time in days.

“Relax.” His eyes laughed silently at Wonshik, and Wonshik wondered why he had ever taken that breathtaking smile away from Hongbin’s face for even a second. Hongbin’s killer smile and his face came as a package — one was incomplete without the other. “It’s just a restaurant. I’m going to switch on my phone for a minute to text some friends, if you don’t mind,” he joked.

It turned out that since Wonshik had barred him from work for the day, he had decided to take the opportunity to meet up with a couple of his business partners who were also personal friends and had reached out to him to offer a helping hand when they knew his company was in trouble. As they rode to the restaurant for the casual meeting over brunch, Hongbin explained that he hadn’t wanted to burden his friends and get them involved, and his pride prevented him from seeking others’ aid unless he had no choice; but on second thought it was worth a shot, even if he could just catch up with them over a meal without talking about business.

Wonshik reluctantly agreed, not being able to stand in the way of Hongbin’s possible sources of assistance. He had been thinking of taking Hongbin to the Italian restaurant they were going to anyway, hoping that spaghetti cooked by one of his favourite chefs could whet his appetite a little. He had been eating poorly recently and his strength was low.

“Remember, I like you beefy,” he teased Hongbin half-seriously while waiting for his friends and their partners to arrive. Hongbin smiled another of his new droopy smiles and gamely bantered back, “Beefy?” He raised his eyebrows at Wonshik’s word choice and the latter blushed.

 

Thirty minutes later, he was listening with eyes glazed over as Hongbin held two different conversations at the same time with Mark and his partner Jackson, the first in indecipherably sexy English and the second in fluent Mandarin. At least he had understood the earlier one with Jaebum, which had been in Korean. Now, he tried not to feel left out as Jaebum’s date Jinyoung politely engaged him in small talk while Jaebum sipped his Chablis and seemed to understand Hongbin’s respective conversations perfectly well, listening and occasionally chiming in.

As they left the restaurant and were strolling down the boulevard along the riverbank to walk a little of the rich meal off, Wonshik wanted to ask if Hongbin’s discussions had been fruitful, but instead what came out of his mouth was: “You really hit it off with Jackson-ssi, huh?”

Hongbin blinked at him obliviously. “…?”

Wonshik huffed. “He made you laugh more than you have the entire month.”

Hongbin stopped in his tracks, turning to look at him. Amusement crept into his eyes and his lips twitched as if suppressing a smile.

Wonshik couldn’t help jutting out his lower lip sulkily. Jackson had been outrageously friendly, immediately claiming a kinship with Hongbin and declaring him his kindred spirit simply because Hongbin’s elementary school nickname had the word Hongkong in it and Jackson was from Hong Kong. Which made not one eon of sense to Wonshik, but Hongbin had seemed flattered and bowled over by his affections.

“Ravi-yah, have I ever mentioned how cute you are when you’re jealous?” Hongbin twittered conversationally. He had his merciless look on, eyes twinkling as if Wonshik tickled him immensely. He made a _hmpf_ noise, but was secretly gratified that Hongbin seemed to have cheered up enough to not have lost interest in flirting. He missed the old Hongbin, who would hit on him with lame pick-up lines all the time even after their relationship had been established, before all this drama started weighing him down like chains.

He was only partially joking — he had in fact felt the urge to intone possessively and sassily, _Hands off my man_ , when Jackson got too close, but would never admit it. It wasn’t a new fact that Hongbin was way too attractive for his own good and drew more attention wherever he went than Wonshik was secure with. But letting Hongbin know that it bothered him felt too much like giving him the upper hand.

Without warning, Hongbin reached out and grabbed his hand, catching it smoothly and lacing their fingers together.

“Don’t pout, Ravi-yah. Even if he wasn’t already with Mark, he’s not my type.”

Wonshik stopped and turned to look at him. Hongbin smiled his pearly-toothed smile, voice softening.

“You are."

 

True to his word, Hongbin kept his side of the deal and let go of his business worries after they left the restaurant. Ironically, he suggested that they go to his summer house to rest and relax for the rest of the day, just indulging in each other. As they traveled there, Hongbin dreamily told Wonshik how the old but well-maintained house in Jayang-dong had been converted from his childhood home, where he lived after being raised in a temple by his grandmother.

It felt grossly unfair, how even after Wonshik had taken so much from him — robbed him of his happiness and career — Hongbin was still continuing to find things to give him — his trust, his memories, his undivided attention and affection. He had never been in a relationship where he received so much, took and took and never gave.

The house was breezy and tranquil, as Hongbin said. It felt like a hideaway from the world where they could escape harsh reality for a few hours and ignore the world outside the door, forget their duties and obligations. Just recharge their batteries and stop running for a moment.

After they made love lazily, they lay on the futon Hongbin had carelessly spread out on the floor. Wonshik lay flat on his front and face and Hongbin traced idle patterns on his back, the tattoo between his shoulderblades.

“This looks like it was painful to get. Was it?”

Wonshik lied and shook his head no. He rolled over to open one eye at Hongbin. Hongbin smiled knowingly and turned his attention to the YOLO tattoo on his chest.

“I love all your tattoos. They make you look like such a bad boy.”

“I _am_ a bad boy,” Wonshik retorted, affronted. Hongbin just chuckled and shook his head like he was funny, but let Wonshik have the last word.

He carded his fingers through Wonshik’s bleach blond locks, which he had recently dyed since he started dating Hongbin and paying more attention to his grooming and appearance. He squirmed with pleasure and tried not to betray how much he enjoyed Hongbin stroking him like one of his beloved animals.

“I love your platinum hair,” Hongbin whispered. “It looks so good against your skin. I love your skin too, your mocha colouring. It looks so exotic. Like your name. It sounds so princely. Did you know Ravi means _to be attracted to_ or _to be enchanted by_ in French?”

“You know French?” Wonshik cut into the word-association compliment-Wonshik game Hongbin seemed to be playing, his jaw dropping. He couldn’t believe Hongbin could speak English, Chinese and French. Was there anything sexier?

Hongbin smiled modestly. “Just a little.”

 _Praise me more_ , Wonshik wanted to say, and Hongbin seemed to read his thoughts, continuing without missing a beat.

“What I like most about you… is that you’re so _calm_ and contained. Nothing fazes you. I admire you — your independence, free-spiritedness and most of all your fearlessness — and find you fascinating — the way you like to act tough and badass and fierce.”

“Wait a minute,” Wonshik interrupted again, frowning. “Are you saying I’m _not_ tough and badass and fierce?” He bristled. Hongbin laughed out loud, making him pretty sure that wasn’t a compliment.

“I can’t help wanting to know more about you,” Hongbin continued, his eyes faraway and wistful. “Wanting more than what you already give me, being unsatisfied and greedy.”

“More?” Wonshik stuttered, a frog in his throat.

Hongbin turned on his side to gaze at him with searching eyes. “Maybe I’m too needy, but sometimes I feel like I barely know anything about you, Ravi-yah,” he murmured, without reproach. “I’ve never met any of your friends. You’re the most enigmatic and mysterious person I’ve ever met — you reveal so little about your life; your past; your thoughts.

“I don’t even know your last name.”

“It’s Kim.”

He tensed up. He hadn’t meant to blurt that out, but Hongbin had caught him off guard. He never knew he could cause Hongbin to make such a sorrowful and yearning expression on his face because of him. Because Hongbin never pushed him to reveal more than he was comfortable with, he had never realised how insensitive he was, how guarded he was about sharing.

Hongbin’s eyes widened at the revelation, his own smile spontaneous and unguarded, overjoyed at Wonshik’s small concession. Wonshik felt a pang at how easily pleased he was, how undemanding and unselfish. He was everything Wonshik wasn’t. Everything Wonshik _wanted_.

 

Yes, for the first time, he could finally admit — maybe he wanted this. Somewhere along the way, when he hadn’t noticed, he had made the biggest mistake any professional could make — getting personal. Sometime along the way Hongbin had become more than a target to him. The boundaries had blurred. It was no longer just a game. Like an actor playing a role who got too deeply immersed, he had developed feelings for his onscreen love interest.

He didn’t want to admit that he had grown to care for Hongbin; that sometimes he woke up from dreams that they had met in another way — any other way but this; any way that wasn’t so pathetically star-crossed; that sometimes he wistfully wished to hear Hongbin’s mellifluous voice calling _Wonshik-ah_ , his real name.

“You could’ve done a background check on me if you wanted,” he heard himself murmuring. “Why didn’t you?”

Hongbin looked at him for a moment before replying quietly. “I didn’t want to abuse my power. I don’t think that would be a right or respectful thing to do as a lover. If you wanted to tell me anything about yourself, I want to hear it from your own lips."

 

His conviction quieted Wonshik. He pushed down the tumult of emotions rising up and focused on Hongbin, here, now, beside him on this day and in this house, his eyes filled with only Wonshik. If they had just this one day to be happy and carefree together, he would make the most of it.

Hongbin’s unshadowed smile was finally back on his face, his eyes hooded from both exhaustion and post-coital bliss. Still, even all disheveled like this, he was sparkling.

“You’re so handsome,” Wonshik blurted out breathlessly, for the umpteenth time. He sounded like a broken recorder, but he couldn’t help repeating it again and again, because it was true.

But instead of looking pleased, Hongbin made a complicated expression and whispered, “It hurts.”

“What?” Wonshik sat up on his elbows, heart wringing.

Hongbin shook his head, self-mocking in his eyes. “Because you always call me handsome, I started taking extra care of my looks, applying masks and moisturizing my skin. When you said you liked my body, I started weight training. I know it’s stupid and insecure, but sometimes I can’t help wondering if that’s all you see in me — my looks and my status. Even so, if that’s true, then I want to do all I can to keep them. I ask myself every day what’s keeping you from leaving me, knowing that whatever’s making you stay, I would give it all to you. As long as you… stay.

“I’m getting way too serious about you, about _this_ … this thing between us, it’s not even funny anymore. I feel like I need you more than you need me and that… scares me so much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since I didn't get to reply the comments on chapter 4 before I deleted it, I hope my commenters don't mind me replying here :)
> 
> @ Nuelisca: omg your comment is one of the best I've received on this fic it made me smile so dorkily!! TT I'm incredibly honoured that my work makes you feel like a rollercoaster ride I think thats one of the highest compliments a writer can receive ;; every time readers tell me I successfully conveyed and expressed emotion in my fics and affected them emotionally and intensely I feel unbelievably flattered. and the fact that the feelings it inspired in you are so positive too, just makes me happier! giddy and hot are definitely the emotions I hope reading this fic will make people feel and most of all, if it could make readers feel like smiling that would be all I could ask for!! Rabin is the otp whose moments always make me smile so I just really wanted to convey that sweet and rose-coloured dynamic here. LMAO @ "scream in my pillow" ur too cute but aww I hope you won't dread the fallout too much! I'll do my best to not put them through too much pain so :') don't worry~
> 
> mte they ARE the epitome of preciousness!! ugh cutest pair of chingus ever ok I'm in tears ;w; I'm really pleased you felt they're presh here too because thats really all I want to write them doing - being precious together. and ahh thank you so much for your deep and incisive comment on various aspects, it was really thought provoking! I'm sad to hear that wontaek's relationship felt toxic to you because thats the kind of relationships I hate to write in my fics the most but I can see where you're coming from... the funny thing is I never planned to write leo as such a cold character because thats the exact opposite of how I see him irl - to me he's one of the warmest and softest members of vixx. but Idk how I ended up writing him kind of exploiting wonshik here, its purely a plot device though and in no way a reflection of how I view him! I actually think his (and the others') characterisation is pretty OOC so lol. I guess its okay to reach a bit since this is an AU xD and I'm flattered by your interest I kinda explained more about taekwoon's reasons in chapter 5 so I hope its a bit clearer for readers! lmao hongbin is indeed mr perfect.
> 
> wow I'm sorry for this rambly reply and that I couldn't even reply you directly but I'm really honoured if I could make your day with my update because you've been making all my days ever since you were one of the first few people who started supporting and following this fic!! thank you for your time and sharing my love of this universe :))
> 
> @ Akirayuyuya: ahh im not surprised neo took turns being your biases!! you have great taste tbh I have a massive weakness for hyungline myself because who wouldn't ;; such ideal namjas *-* and aww I'm sorry to hear it pains you to read their characterisation in this fic, but I can totally understand, I too feel bad at how their arc progressed because I didn't really have any concrete plans for their characters when I started writing they just kinda took over being led by the plot?? and I guess they became kind of two-dimensional plot devices :( a failure on my part because I wanted to write them, and every other character, with at least some modicum of sympathy. the saving grace is that I actually do have another neo scene coming up (or two) as I neglected their pairing till now and only focused on the main, so hopefully a glimpse into their lives and relationship will give readers some insight into their motivations. tbh I personally see leo and N as the nicest members of vixx (leo is soo kind and mature omg I can't even, and its obvious from how much all the members adore N that he's a beautiful soul inside and out) so I felt I didn't do these 2 angelic sweethearts justice in this AU, but I guess I had to make somebody the antagonist/"bad guy"/"villain" so they just sorta drew the short straw haha. I don't think you're complaining at all, I'm really grateful to readers for their honest comments!! :) as you can see I love discussion. I know exactly what you mean I would give anything to write a whole fic of leo being his squishy adorable awkward shy self and N mother-henning him with all that sexual tension gosh (LMAO) and they def did not have enough sickly sweet moments in this fic HAHA. neo is really the pairing that deserves least to be the neglected and barely fleshed-out secondary pairing antagonists! :( but thank you so much for continuing to follow updates and being so excited about and into this fic despite the lack of neo so far ;; I didn't even realise you were still reading it so it was really nice to hear from you and I was just so touched you devoted so many hours to reading all the chapters so promptly :') thank you so much again for all the time you've invested in talking with me and this fic!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any readers missed my note, i added 5000 words to the previous chapter yesterday! :)

Days later, Wonshik still couldn’t get the image of Hongbin bravely and vulnerably splaying all of himself out in front of him, unafraid to reveal his insecurities and ugly sides. For some time now, Wonshik had stopped seeing him as an enemy completely, but started seeing him as an ally. Hongbin was so susceptible and defenceless, especially against him, that he wanted to warn Hongbin away.

He wanted to warn Hongbin against _himself_.

 

He thought about what Hongbin had said at the end of that unexpectedly light-hearted day amidst the crisis, after Wonshik fetched them home.

In the light of the streetlamps, he had embraced Wonshik, gratitude and awe spelled across his features. He was gazing at Wonshik as if he couldn’t believe how perfect Wonshik was.

“Thank you, Ravi-yah,” he murmured sincerely by Wonshik’s ear. When Wonshik, shaking, asked what for, he replied, “Because I couldn’t have gotten through this dark period without you. You’re the only person keeping me sane right now.”

 _I’m the person who got you into this dark period, drove you insane_. It took Wonshik all his willpower not to shout this out.

It was as simple as that. Hongbin’s heart, beating evenly against his hand when Wonshik touched his chest, calm and trusting.

That was the moment Wonshik decided to stop.

 

On the day after he made the decision to wash his hands of this hurtful scheme, he dropped by the office without calling ahead. Hakyeon wasn’t at his desk, and the blinds of Taekwoon’s office were pulled down, which they never were. Taekwoon had a transparency policy in the company, which he held himself strictest against.

He approached the door gingerly, about to knock when he heard scraping noises inside and what sounded like the clatter of objects falling. He tried the door. It was locked.

Feeling queasy and worried, he hung around outside, sitting down hesitantly in Hakyeon’s chair.

The office door opened after five more minutes of creaking and banging sounds. Hakyeon walked out, looking more disheveled than Wonshik had ever seen him in the last four years. He was always elegantly and perfectly put together.

Even more suspiciously, he paled visibly the moment he saw Wonshik, jumping as if he had seen a ghost.

Taekwoon stepped out of the office behind him. His shirt was creased too, his suit jacket and tie nowhere to be seen and his top buttons were undone.

“Hakyeon —“ he stopped midsentence when he saw Wonshik frozen in Hakyeon’s chair. “Wonshik? W-what are you doing here?” It was the first and only time he ever heard Taekwoon stammer.

Wonshik got up shakily, wondering why he was the only one who was bright red among the three. “I wanted to talk to you,” he muttered, looking at the floor.

Taekwoon glanced at Hakyeon, who cleared his throat and didn’t meet either of their eyes. Taekwoon looked annoyed, then turned his gaze back to Wonshik. “Come in.”

His office was a mess, documents all over the floor. His computer was at a crooked angle on the desk.

“What is it?” Taekwoon looked cross at him staring around.

“I…” Wonshik suddenly couldn’t spit the words he came to say out; the sounds and sight of Taekwoon and Hakyeon in his office and the fear of what Taekwoon would reply, how he would react suddenly hitting him all at once.

Just like always, Taekwoon seemed to sense what he was thinking.

“Remember who you’re working for."

 

Hakyeon had disappeared from his desk again when he exited the office, making him a little worried. Taekwoon had dismissed him after making his remark and asking him if he had anything more to add. Dumbstruck, he walked out.

He wondered if this was the first time Taekwoon and Hakyeon had done this; how long it had been going on; why they never told him. He waited for the heartbreak to hit.

Then he realized he didn’t care. There was no heartbreak, only ambivalence.

 

Taekwoon’s parting words continued resounding in his mind, even after he left. But it wasn’t Taekwoon’s voice echoing in his ears, then not even Taekwoon’s words anymore.

It was Hongbin’s, saying _Remember who you care for_.

It was ridiculous because Hongbin had never said these words to him. But unlike Taekwoon, he hadn’t needed to remind Wonshik of anything.

When something was true and right and tattooed on his being, it didn’t need to be spoken for him to know it in his bones. Hongbin never pressured or coerced or forced him to do anything, and yet Wonshik wanted to do everything for him even without being asked. In contrast to Taekwoon who persuaded and convinced and spun pretty, empty words.

It’d taken him more than six months to realise what was real and important, and he had nearly thrown it away for something that he knew was wrong and immoral, going against his own principles, from the start.

How could he have waited this long and been so dense? Hongbin needed him now. Even if Wonshik couldn’t stop what was happening, the least he could do as a lover was to be by Hongbin’s side and be his lifeboat and anchor through the storm. After all, he was the one who had caused this mess.

He quickened his footsteps imperceptibly, heart rate picking up to match the rhythm of his footfalls on the pavement. He couldn’t wait to get home and tell Hongbin everything, confess and apologise, throw himself at his feet and beg for forgiveness. He would do anything as long as Hongbin gave him a second chance.

 

He threw the front door of the penthouse open to find Hongbin sitting on the couch in his usual position, legs crossed and staring into nothing. Wonshik felt weak-kneed at the sight of Hongbin looking unspeakably beautiful as always, and still all his. He was so relieved he could cry.

“Hongbin —“

When Hongbin looked up, Wonshik’s heart froze into a block of ice in his chest because he could see in Hongbin’s eyes that something had changed.

Hongbin knew. Someone had told him. He had found out, somehow, just before Wonshik had the chance to confess everything.

Hongbin looked at him, eyes hard and blank, and Wonshik knew what he was going to say even before he said it.

“Are you working for Jung Taekwoon?”

Wonshik’s throat was so dry he could hear the click of his swallow.

“Hongbin-ah, let me explain —“

“Answer the question.” Hongbin was on his feet, hands balled into fists and glaring at him coldly.

Wonshik nodded reluctantly, helpless. Hongbin’s face crumpled, twisting with pain. He struggled to get his expression under control, lips white. But he couldn't hide the trembling of his hands Wonshik knew only happened when he was extremely tense. His eyes flashed when he caught Wonshik staring and he gripped his right hand with his left tightly, glaring at Wonshik. Wonshik’s heart seized. “I —“ he rasped.

He cut Wonshik off. “Is your name even Ravi?”

“No, but —“

“ _Who_ are you?”

Hongbin didn’t yell, but his words cut Wonshik to the quick. Because Hongbin was looking at him like he didn’t know him, like he was an extraterrestrial or a psychopath or a piece of chewed up gum on the floor, lesser than trash.

“Kim Wonshik,” Wonshik replied softly, too ashamed and afraid to see how Hongbin was looking at him to raise his head.

“Who the fuck is that?” Hongbin’s voice was harsh as a whip. It was the first time he had sworn at Wonshik. He flinched.

“I don’t know who that is,” Hongbin continued cruelly.

Wonshik was silent, panicking. He didn’t know what to say to salvage the situation, had the sinking feeling it was too late for amends.

He looked up to see Hongbin glowering at him, looking pissed at his muteness. But he didn’t know what to say. There wasn’t much to say about Kim Wonshik besides that he was a lowlife, a conman.

His heart was pounding in his ears. He had never seen Hongbin lose control like this before, get so mad. Hongbin never got angry, no matter what anyone did. He never lost his temper, especially with Wonshik.

“Was anything you told me true?” Hongbin’s voice sounded hollow, lost in a way that was like a fist squeezing Wonshik’s heart. Hongbin had never sounded as hopeless as this, even when his company got in trouble. He had managed to remain calm and positive even then.

This question, though, he could answer. It was what he had ran all the way back to tell Hongbin: that although he had told countless lies, there was one thing that was completely true.

He had fallen for Hongbin.

He opened his mouth, the words ready to spill out. Apologies and confessions. He would grovel on his knees if he needed to, kneel for days until Hongbin forgave his sins. He would atone for all his crimes ten times over, if only Hongbin would tell him everything was not lost.

But even before he could say a word, Hongbin dismissed him in disgust. “Forget it. I don’t want to hear any more of your lies.” He spit out the last word as if it was dirty.

Wonshik just stood there, feeling his world fall apart around him, his universe crumbling while he stood paralyzed.

Hongbin gave him a last long, scathing look, before saying quietly but icily, “Get out.” His voice was almost calm, face smoothed back to placidness. He looked through Wonshik as if he was a stranger now, or invisible.

When Wonshik didn’t move, Hongbin swept the ornaments and books and magazines and glasses off the coffee table with one arm. “Get out of my house now!"

 

Wonshik wandered the streets aimlessly after he left Hongbin’s apartment, unable to shake his last glimpse of Hongbin sinking back down onto the couch with his face buried in his hands and fingers spearing through his hair. He bumped into people on the street but didn’t care, didn’t apologise. He wished some thug would pick a fight with him so he could get rid of the urge in his shaking and clenched fists to punch somebody.

Deep down, he knew the person he wanted to punch was himself. He wanted to give himself the punches Hongbin had been too kind to give him. But since he couldn’t punch himself, he could only provoke someone into doing it to him.

Unfortunately, no one shoved him down and kicked him till he bled and passed out and could forget everything, even for a moment. Apparently even the heavens were against him right now.

He ended up punching a grimy wall along the street and hurting his own knuckles, but not gaining any comfort from that. He continued walking towards nowhere, feeling broken everywhere, especially his heart.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone’s message notification tone rang out cheerfully, as if it was just a normal day. He was so aggravated he wanted to smash his phone on the ground but resisted. He didn’t want to see messages from anybody right now. If it was Taekwoon, he might just lose it.

When he checked his phone, his heart stopped. It was from Hongbin. Stomach flipping over, he opened the text with sweaty fingers.

 _Remove your shit from my house by tonight or I’ll throw everything away_.

Wonshik winced at the message. He squashed down the flicker of hope in his heart as he turned on his heel and started walking again, back to Hongbin’s house. He couldn’t help feeling pathetically hopeful that he might be able to see him again, unless he had left the house, but he dreaded hearing more cutting words, which hurt because they were all true. He knew Hongbin just wanted to hurt him the same way he felt hurt and bewildered and devastatingly betrayed.

He tried to put himself in Hongbin’s shoes. What if… what if he had found out today that Hongbin knew who he was all along, right from the start, but had pretended not to, acted innocent and played along, all the while watching him and leading him on and putting on a mask just to get back at Taekwoon through him?

He couldn’t even imagine it, because there was no universe in which Hongbin would be capable of doing something so twisted and fucked up. He wasn’t Wonshik. He had always been a much better person than Wonshik. But he could imagine how furious he would feel, how he would feel like his entire life had fallen apart, like his life and love was a lie. On top of Hongbin’s company problem now, he couldn’t even imagine what an earth-shattering blow this was to him.

Wonshik felt like the smallest human being in the world.

 

He let out the breath he had been holding when he stepped into the house gingerly to sense Hongbin’s presence still around. His heart soared, stupidly. He had grown so attuned to Hongbin’s proximity that he seemed to have developed a radar to detect it whenever he was in the vicinity.

Hongbin hadn’t vacated the house while he came back for the last time — did that mean he still wanted to see Wonshik? That there was still hope?

But then Hongbin strode out of his — _their_ , Wonshik thought with a pang — bedroom, fastening his Omega watch on his wrist. His hair was slicked back and he was dressed, looking smart and cool as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all.

Wonshik’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. Hongbin was still looking at him in that steely way, and Wonshik took a quavering step back as he approached unexpectedly. The scent of his cologne hit Wonshik’s nose like a cruel taunt. He knew it was hypocritical to cry over spilt milk, but it was simply too desolate to contemplate that he might never smell that familiar and musky scent that made his knees weak again.

Hongbin stopped two paces before him, like he was keeping his distance. He stared impenetrably into Wonshik’s eyes, not a trace of warmth in his eyes.

“Give my spare keys back.”

Blinking, Wonshik fished his set of keys out of his pocket and dropped it in Hongbin’s outstretched palm. Hongbin's eyes caught and followed his bloodied knuckles, narrowing and he self-consciously wiped the keys on the hem of his shirt so he wouldn't get blood on them. The raw wounds stung, but he didn't care. So he had got his hopes up for nothing — Hongbin had only stayed to get his keys. He felt foolish and disgraced, although Hongbin didn’t even bother to give him a dirty look now. Wonshik had never known that he could look so aloof and unapproachable. Hongbin's face looked like a statue, like he would never smile again.

Not daring to speak, Wonshik trudged to his room to start packing up his belongings. His eyes felt scratchy, but there was no way he was breaking down here, looking more pathetic than he already was and leaving Hongbin with an ugly last impression of his crying face. He set his jaw and hauled his suitcase out, tossing his clothes inside haphazardly.

He somehow managed to shove and stuff everything into his two suitcases, punching the bulk down roughly with his fists when they refused to flatten. He left all the clothes Hongbin had bought him in the closet — besides there were too many that they would never have fit.

When he dragged the two luggages out noisily and gracelessly, looking like the most pitiful stereotype of a dumped lover, Hongbin was sitting on the couch again, drinking vodka straight from the decanter. Wonshik stopped for a beat and stared, before he recovered and continued wheeling his suitcases out, his head down.

 

He nearly dropped them when Hongbin’s voice rang out as he was in the foyer, just about to leave. It was unsteady from the effect of the alcohol. He remembered Hongbin’s low tolerance and swallowed. It was the first time Wonshik had seen him drinking in the day since the second day after they met when he had walked into the bar to see Hongbin waiting anxiously for him. It seemed like a lifetime ago now.

“So you were just toying with my feelings, stringing me along like a fool, eh? You should consider a career in acting, Ravi-yah, because your performance deserved an Oscar.” Hongbin started to clap, mockingly like the way he drawled out Wonshik’s fake name.

“Do you want me to write you a recommendation before you leave?” He seemed more annoyed when Wonshik didn’t answer. “I know a few directors, perhaps you want an introduction too.” Wonshik tried not to wince. He had never thought Hongbin could speak in such a cold-blooded tone, say such ugly and insulting words.

When he looked up, the sight of Hongbin’s eyes hit him right in the chest because the blank mask he had put up had slipped away with intoxication, and they now looked like a wounded dog’s, limpid and accusing. Even Mozzi sensed the forbidding aura emitting from his owner, and turned tail to scamper out of the sitting room the moment he ventured in. Hongbin didn’t even notice, taking another lengthy swig before clanking the half-empty decanter loudly down on the glass of the coffee table.

“Now that I think about it, you started fishing for information from me right after our first night. How stupid and lovesick you must have thought I was, eagerly volunteering everything you needed. Did you sleep with me just because of that? Were you faking those moans of pleasure?” He gazed at Wonshik expectantly, waiting for his answer. The silence stretched before Hongbin spoke up again, his face horrified. “Are you even gay?”

“Answer me, god dammit,” he raised his voice sharply when Wonshik just stood rooted to the ground, staring at him with stricken eyes.

“N-no.” He tried not to stammer. “I enjoyed it.” He blushed hotly. “And I’m… not gay. But —“ Before he could say the three words he had ran back to the house to say earlier that day, he was again interrupted.

“You’re a liar.” Hongbin stood up, teetering a bit. He advanced towards Wonshik, and Wonshik got the feeling of being towered over again although he was slightly taller than Hongbin. He froze stock still, trembling like a leaf when Hongbin touched him for the first time since the fallout, caressing his cheek, his eyes dark on Wonshik’s skin. “A beautiful liar.”

Wonshik’s knuckles paled on the handle of his luggage. Hongbin’s voice when he called him a liar was like silk, like the first night they had made love when he called Wonshik a princess. Even the most insulting words sounded exquisite from Hongbin’s tongue.

“Are you sleeping with your _Leo hyung_ too?” Hongbin smiled meanly, emphasizing the two words until Wonshik flushed. “Are you in love with him? I thought you said you weren’t gay.”

“I’m not.” Wonshik said the words as firmly as he could, looking directly into Hongbin’s eyes, which narrowed.

“You don’t have to hide it from me, Ravi-yah. I already knew when you called out the word _hyung_ in your sleep. That’s when I knew you had someone else in your heart. Because, well, you couldn’t have been dreaming of _me_ , could you?”

Hongbin was still wearing that sadistic, forced smile that seemed so wrong to see between his sacred dimples. Wonshik wished he would stop. His mind was spinning, hearing for the first time that he had called out Taekwoon’s name in his sleep. He wondered when it had been, why Hongbin had never told him. It must have been near the beginning of their relationship because he hadn’t dreamed of Taekwoon for a long time now. He felt a cold sweat run down his back.

 

"Speechless? I guess the cat got your tongue. Did you laugh at and make fun of me with him? Bragging about that sucker Lee Hongbin you had enslaved; reassuring him that you had me eating out of your hand and I stood no chance?"

Wonshik couldn’t help gulping, because Hongbin had come close with his guess to some of the earlier reports Wonshik had sent to Taekwoon, embellishing and exaggerating to curry favour. He wasn’t proud of them, despised himself now.

Hongbin was watching him closely, as if trying to read his answers in his expression because he was keeping mum. He was close enough for Wonshik to get a whiff of the vodka fumes on his breath, which made his stomach knot with equal parts longing and concern.

“Don’t act innocent with me now, Wonshik-ah.” He gasped audibly, successfully rattled by Hongbin’s first use of his real name, but in such a regretfully bitter tone. “It’s too late.” The words made Wonshik’s heart plummet because he already knew, but Hongbin putting it into words still made him feel sorely disappointed.

“You know,” Hongbin seemed to have given up on getting answers out of him, his own lips loosened by alcohol. Wonshik told himself he wasn’t walking away because he deserved this tongue lashing; that Hongbin had more than a right to berate him. He was lying to even himself now. Hongbin’s tone was conversational, but his words edged with wrath. “When you get home to Jung Taekwoon’s house, you can tell that bastard that i want to wring his neck for a lot of things, but most of all touching what was mine.”

 _Was_. Wonshik quavered; was this Hongbin’s form of breaking up? But Hongbin didn’t seem to have finished with him, instead reaching out boldly to place his hand on Wonshik’s tailbone, hovering insolently over his ass, and pulling him roughly towards him. Wonshik braced his hands on Hongbin’s chest to steady himself, breathless, as Hongbin’s eyes bored into his from a hair’s breadth away.

“If I give you this house too, Kim Wonshik, will you sleep with me one last time?”

The shocking words finally broke the dam in Wonshik’s throat. Outraged and insulted, he shoved Hongbin away forcefully. Hongbin stumbled back, nearly losing his balance. He looked dazed, cheeks flushed and eyes glittering dangerously.

“Don’t do this,” Wonshik just gritted out, voice strung tight. “This isn’t you. You’re drunk.”

Hongbin was breathing hard, staring down his nose at him belligerently with his jaw locked, a muscle ticking. Wonshik thought for one wild heartbeat that he would take him by force, but then Hongbin’s face relaxed into a smile that looked more like a grimace.

“You’re right. God damn, you know me too well.” He finally backed away and leaned against the wall, shoving his hands deep into his pocket as he cocked his hip and regarded Wonshik like some rare endangered species he hadn’t seen before. Wonshik wondered if it was because his hands were shaking again. He didn’t delude himself that the strange leaping light in Hongbin’s eyes as they combed his face was longing.

“Of all people,” Hongbin said, his voice suddenly soft as if he was talking to himself. He shook his head in amazement. “I couldn’t believe that it would be you. Numerous, _countless_ people scheme to get close to me with ulterior motives, and I usually pride myself on being able to weed them out. But _you_ , Kim Wonshik… I never saw this coming. Do you want to hear something else that’s funny? Even now — even now, I still wish it was anyone else but you."

 

"Hongbin-ah —“ For the first time, the word he thought he would never get to say again escaped Wonshik’s throat, tugged out uncontrollably by the heartbreakingly melancholy light in Hongbin’s downcast, flat eyes.

Hongbin’s head snapped up, eyes sharp. “Don’t call my name,” he snapped, eyes flashing now.

Wonshik clamped his mouth closed. Hongbin glowered at him, looking incensed.

“Did you ever love me?” Wonshik’s head whipped up at the wholly unexpected words in Hongbin’s self-mocking voice he hated so much.

Before he realized it, he was nodding vehemently. “Yes, I —“

Hongbin stared at him unblinkingly for a long, harsh moment before he smiled his new sarcastic smile again.

“I don’t believe you.”

He had had enough. Jaw clenched, Wonshik brusquely grabbed both suitcases and swiveled on his heel, starting to tow them away as fast as he could. At least he might feel a smidgen better, a little less abandoned if he was the first to leave.

But Hongbin’s quiet voice stopped him again, just outside the door. “Ravi-yah.”

He looked up, chest tightening. Hongbin’s face was washed emotionless again, his words clear and succint.

“I don’t ever want to see you again."


	6. Chapter 6

After he left the apartment building that day, dragging the two unwieldy suitcases, Wonshik tried to tell himself that Hongbin hadn’t meant what he said; that he was just lashing out at Wonshik because he was angry and hurt. But he couldn’t seem to convince himself that Hongbin might ever want to set eyes on him again.

There were so many people in the world, so many more eligible people than Wonshik Hongbin could be having a relationship with. People he could trust. Now that Wonshik had betrayed him, there was no reason he would still be hung up on Wonshik, would think of him a single minute more after he walked out that door.

Still, he knew what he had to do, what he owed _himself_ to do even if he was no longer accountable to Hongbin and what he should have done a long time ago without pussyfooting.

 

Hakyeon was back in his office that evening the second time he turned up at Jung Enterprises for the day, and behind him the blinds in Taekwoon’s were open.

“Wonshik?” He looked up at the second surprise visit, surprised but pleased to see him. “What brings you here again? Are you all right?”

Hakyeon eyed the two suitcases at his feet with concern. Behind him, Taekwoon didn’t even lift his head from the file he was reading.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” Wonshik tried to smile and lie again. “I need to see Taekwoon hyung again. It’s urgent.”

Hakyeon regarded him with wide eyes, but he obligingly slid back on the wheels of his chair to tap directly on the glass wall of Taekwoon’s office, not bothering to call. Taekwoon finally looked up.

In his office, he slowly closed the file in his hands and set it down on the desk. His eyes followed Wonshik as he left his suitcases sitting outside and pushed open the door, entering.

“I’m sorry, hyung.” Wonshik lowered his head when he was standing in front of Taekwoon. He didn’t feel sorry, but he felt the obligation to apologise for not being able to carry out the mission he had agreed to see through.

“What have you done?” Taekwoon murmured in a low voice, sounding afraid to hear his answer.

Wonshik took a deep breath. “I broke up with Lee Hongbin and left his house. I also passed him whatever information I had on the remaining projects you haven’t manage to snatch out of their company’s hands.” He replied honestly, not wanting to lie to anybody anymore after more than half a year of tiring subterfuge. Specifically, he had dropped the information he had painstakingly written down by hand on a park bench outside Hongbin’s apartment building into his letter box. He hoped Hongbin had received it by now and would know his heart.

Taekwoon didn’t say anything for a long time, but his face was white with anger. Finally, he spoke up, sounding colder than ice.

“You’ve just wasted all our hard work of the last six months, and may have brought the company down. I told you just this morning to remember who you were working for. I thought you were better than this. I’m very, very disappointed in you.”

When he didn’t have a reply, just remained standing there and absorbing the impact of Taekwoon’s harsh, biting words, Taekwoon raised his voice so loudly even Hakyeon heard it through the glass and turned around.

“Get out.”

It was the second time Wonshik had been issued this order today, by the two people he valued most. It hurt, though he had expected it. He tried to figure out what he had done wrong, to end up ruining both companies and his relationships with both men. His head hurt when he tried to think where he had made a mistake. He had just been trying to do his best to please both men. But maybe that was where he had gone wrong — by not picking a side and sticking by his values earlier, letting it get this far and hurting everybody he cared for.

He didn’t need Taekwoon to ask twice. Clenching his teeth, he spun around and stalked out of the door. He didn’t look at Hakyeon, who he could sense staring at him with worry, just grabbed his suitcases roughly and hauled them to the lobby into the second elevator he was probably taking for the last time today.

Outside Jung Enterprises, he squinted up at the blue evening sky and thought of how he hated not having a house of his own to go back to after being chased out from everyone else’s.

He didn’t feel the tears in his eyes until they were blurring his vision and tracking down his cheeks, making him sniff. He was a loser for crying like a thwarted child, too, for something that was his own fault.

A tissue appeared in front of him, held by elegantly tapered fingers. Gasping, he whirled around to see Hakyeon standing behind him, nothing but kindness and familial concern in his eyes.

 

Hakyeon helped him wheel one of the suitcases towards a nearby bench where they both sat down. Wonshik blew his nose and gazed up at the towering metal and chrome skyscraper of Jung Enterprises.

He would miss this company building.

He didn’t realise that he had spoken his thoughts aloud until Hakyeon swiveled to look at him, frowning. “Did you resign, Wonshik-ah?”

Wonshik shook his head, speaking through the tissue. “Mmno. But I’m pretty sure Taekwoon hyung just fired me. And exiled me from the house too.”

“That’s impossible,” Hakyeon said immediately, with conviction.

Wonshik stared at him incredulously. Had he not been enlightened on what had just gone down?

“No matter what happened between the two of you, we’re still family. Family doesn’t fall apart because of work,” he said firmly, gazing ressuringly at Wonshik.

“Did he tell you what happened?” Wonshik whimpered.

Hakyeon nodded quietly. “But I want to hear your side of it too.” He covered Wonshik’s hand.

 

After Wonshik finished his convoluted recount — storytelling wasn’t really his forte, and he had only tried harder for Hakyeon — Hakyeon looked him in the eyes. His own eyes were penitent and apologetic, soft with remorse and sadness at how Wonshik’s life in the last six months had been. Wonshik wanted to tell him not to feel sorry for him, because they had been the happiest six months of his whole life.

From the day he met Hongbin, although he didn’t know it, his life had changed forever.

Hakyeon looked burdened and saddened by how things had turned out, and confided in Wonshik that he had had misgivings in Taekwoon’s plan from some time ago. His conscience had told him that there was something unethical and inhumane about winning over Lee Holdings in such an underhanded and tricky way.

Hakyeon’s softness and gentleness went straight to Wonshik’s heart in a way Taekwoon’s ferocious and poisonous glare hadn’t. He rememebered that for the past four years, Taekwoon and Hakyeon had been his parental figures, his surrogate guardians; that he literally owed his life to them.

“I’m sorry for how everything turned out, Wonshik-ah. I should have seen this coming and put a stop to it, convinced Taekwoon to find another way. You’ve suffered for us. I’m sorry I didn’t notice.”

Wonshik shook his head vigorously, heart aching. “You don’t need to apologise, hyung! It’s not your fault at all. You couldn’t have done anything. I was the one who agreed to the mission, who did everything.”

“We shouldn’t have forced you to do something so wrong. I just want you to know that I support your decision, and that I’m proud of you for standing up for what’s right. Whatever happens, I’ll always be behind you.”

“Thank you… Hakyeon hyung.” Wonshik felt like crying again, not expecting to find one person still on his side. “But… what will happen to the company?” He looked up at the familiar office building again, feeling dread that it would disappear because of him.

“Don’t you worry about that,” Hakyeon replied firmly. “We’ll survive. We’re more hardy than you know. And if we don’t… well, I’ll be by Taekwoon’s side too, and we’ll figure out a solution together.”

“Aren’t you worried?” Wonshik stared at him, surprised by his confidence.

“Of course,” Hakyeon told him quietly, tweaking his nose fondly. “But as long as Taekwoon and I are together, I have faith and believe we can overcome even the toughest storm. You should take a break before coming back, and put this matter out of your mind. You’ve earned it.”

“C-coming back?” Wonshik gaped.

Hakyeon nodded, smiling. “Of course. To both the house and the company. You can’t just leave your two favourite hyungs behind and never see us again, can you?” He tilted his head and gave Wonshik puppy eyes.

“But Taekwoon hyung —“ he started weakly.

“I know him, and I’m completely sure that he would never ask you to leave, no matter what happens. If you’ve heard the way he speaks about you in private… you’d know what I mean.”

“He speaks about me… in private?” Wonshik blinked owlishly.

“More than you could ever know, and always proudly,” Hakyeon replied, smiling at him.

 

The revelation shook and made him hurt even more, still unconvinced Taekwoon hadn’t severed all their ties when he walked out of his office.

“Has Taekwoon ever told you about the way we met?” Hakyeon asked him softly, seeming to sense his preoccupation. Wonshik shook his head, mouth dry. He suddenly recalled the scene in the morning.

“You may not believe it, but our families’ companies used to be rivals too.”

Wonshik’s mouth dropped open. “Your family owns a company too?”

Hakyeon nodded, smiling wryly. “It was acquired by Jung Enterprises in a merger about ten years ago.”

Wonshik stared at him, eyes wide. He had had no idea.

“Growing up as a teenager, I hated Taekwoon’s family, his father and his company. Most of all, I hated him, although I had never met him, only knew him as the son of the evil man who had driven my father to the brink of bankruptcy and out of a job. I blamed him for the fact that I had to work part-time in high school to contribute to my family’s finances so we could make ends meet.

“And then, in an ironic twist of fate, when I entered Seoul University on a scholarship, I met Taekwoon for the first time in the Business Administration course. We had the same major and minor, and almost all our classes together.

“I hated his guts more than ever. I felt inferior, bitter and unforgiving. I stayed as far as I could from him and glared at him venomously every time we crossed paths, muttering curses under my breath. If you had seen the twenty-year old me now, I don’t think you’d recognize him.”

True enough, it was difficult to picture Hakyeon as he described himself, young and brash and filled with anger and resentment.

“I was spiky and guarded, like a porcupine. No one dared to come close to me. In school, I became known as a loner and had few friends. It was a lonely time.

“One day, I got cornered and started getting bullied by a few upperclassmen who thought I looked snobbish and disrespectful and didn’t like it. They wanted to teach me a lesson, to be less cocky.

“They shoved me hard against the lockers of the school dormitory, cracking their knuckles and getting ready to give me a thrashing. There was no one else around to call for help, and I thought I would be seriously injured that day.

“Then… out of the glare of the sunlight through the gaps between their shoulders, my arch-nemesis Jung Taekwoon walked out, looking like a guardian angel winged by bright light. He looked furious, savage, unlike his usual quiet and untalkative self. He dropped his bag and books on the ground, looking ready to fight. The scene that ensued was so dazzling I felt my eyes tear up just lying there on the ground, against the lockers, watching him beat the upperclassmen up and get beaten up viciously. Mostly the latter.” Hakyeon laughed nostalgically.

“When they were finally done with him, he was a bloody pulp. His arm and nose were broken and his legs and body bruised blue and purple. His pretty face was all bashed up. But there wasn’t a single scratch on my body. So I didn’t understand why he was crawling towards me, asking if I was okay before he passed out.

“I only discovered years later that he felt so bad for what his father’s company had done to my father’s, and had been watching over me since we entered the university. He never confirmed it, but I suspect he enrolled in Seoul University, in all the same courses as me, because he wanted to do just that; when his parents wanted to send him abroad to Harvard or Yale.

“Impossibly, a few months after that incident, we had become the closest of friends. When we both graduated, he entreated me to come and work for the company that would be his — the evil and hated Jung Enterprises which had devoured the company my father build with his blood, sweat and hard work.

“The only reason I accepted the offer was because of him. And I grew to love this company, against all odds. I rose through the ranks, becoming only second in command to the CEO. I was able to provide for my family again, restore them to luxury, thanks to Taekwoon. He even awarded me a bonus and told me to use it for my father’s retirement fund. I fell in love with this company. I fell in love with —“ Hakyeon stopped abruptly, seeming to realise what he had nearly said. For the first time, he blushed shyly. He didn’t need to complete his sentence, because Wonshik could read the rest of it clearly in his eyes.

 

"And I guess the rest is history,” Hakyeon finished awkwardly, taking a deep breath after his long story. Wonshik felt like he had been changed by it. He had never known this side of Taekwoon, Hakyeon and their shared history together. Now he understood some things, like why they seemed able to communicate without talking, sometimes shared private smiles and jokes only understood by the two of them.

It was difficult to picture the Taekwoon he knew as how Hakyeon described him. And yet… Wonshik realised, it wasn’t difficult at all, when he thought about the Taekwoon hyung he had gotten to know in the last few years, the awkward and reticent man who had picked him off the street and given him a new lease of life; guided Wonshik like a brotherly figure and nurtured him, giving him a job and a home despite his meagre qualifications. He could reconcile them perfectly.

“I’m sorry for rambling on,” Hakyeon apologised again, looking embarrassed. “I got carried away. I’ve never told this story to anybody before.”

“Why did you tell me?” Wonshik asked, and Hakyeon melted into his sunny smile, ruffling his hair with affection.

“Duh. Because you’re our favourite — our _only_ — _dongsaeng_. And I know that just like he’s my hero, Taekwoon is yours too. I thought you should know what a giant marshmallow he is at heart.”

“Marshmallow?”

“The biggest and softest.” Hakyeon grinned again, seeming genuinely happy despite what had just happened to the company. Wonshik was overwhelmingly grateful to him too for cheering his spirits up a little.

Maybe, he thought… maybe this was all love was, after all. The one person in the universe who saw the softest side of you, and whom you saw the softest side of.

 

A few days later, as he was leaving his room in one of the hotels owned by Jung Enterprises, under Hakyeon’s charge, he was startled to bump into Hongbin’s friends he had met only once after that first night in the bar.

Sanghyuk and Jaehwan didn’t seem surprised to see him, though. “Thank you lord,” Jaehwan clasped his hands together dramatically. “Ravi-ssi, you have no idea what we went through to track you down!”

Wonshik stared at them, bewildered. “What? Why?” His heart contracted. “Has something… happened to Hongbin?”

“Yes,” Sanghyuk said, at the same time Jaehwan waved a reassuring hand. “No, no, don’t worry.”

Jaehwan whirled to glare at Sanghyuk, eyes bulging. He muttered something Wonshik didn’t catch while Sanghyuk protested, sounding defensive, “But it’s true! Hongbin hyung’s not okay!”

“What’s going on?” Wonshik rounded up on them, voice tight.

Jaehwan quickly turned his attention back to him, hastening to calm him down by explaining patiently that Hongbin was perfectly fine — just distraught and ditching work.

“Ditching work?” Wonshik repeated skeptically, because that didn’t sound like Hongbin’s style at all. But Sanghyuk confirmed it, nodding gravely.

“We didn’t know who to look for to talk some sense into him. We’ve been holding it together, but the company needs him at this crucial period. And then… we thought of you. Of course.”

“But… Hongbin doesn’t want to see me. We…” He caught himself before he said _broke up_ , not knowing if they were aware and because the wound was still too raw. “… don’t talk anymore.”

“That’s _exactly_ the reason he’s distraught.” Jaehwan nodded a few times, emphatically. He snapped his fingers. “That’s why you’re the only one who can get him out of this funk. We’re counting on you, Ravi-ssi."

“What?” Wonshik was so confused, but he didn’t turn them down because he was concerned and responsible for Hongbin neglecting his company, and still, despite everything, wanted with the passion of a thousand suns to see him again. “Has he agreed to see me?”

“Uh, not exactly… but you don’t have to worry about that. You just have to agree to turn up at the arranged location and we’ll be responsible for getting him there.” Jaehwan sounded authoritative.

“Yeah, and make sure he stays once he’s there. Grab his legs to stop him from leaving if you must,” Sanghyuk added.

Wonshik blanched, and Jaehwan reassured him, “I’m sure it won’t come to that. Hongbin has lost his soul in the past week, and we all know why.” His eyebrow wiggle told Wonshik he probably knew everything. He blushed, feeling mortified that two mere acquaintances and mutual friends knew his and Hongbin’s business so intimately.

“Will you help us?” Sanghyuk clasped his hands together and pled like a puppy.

“And Hongbin?” Jaehwan quickly added, appealingly. “Please!”

Wonshik looked at them, the opportunity they were dangling before him. His stomach felt like a cage of butterflies.

He missed Hongbin with a fever ache.

“Of course,” Wonshik replied quietly, making the two men’s faces light up with relief. “When’s the soonest possible time you can arrange it?"

 

Feeling a flicker of pain at the meeting place Sanghyuk and Jaehwan had coincidentally chosen, Wonshik walked into the park with green meadows and colourful flowers where he and Hongbin had shared their first kiss.

His heart was pounding out of his chest as if he was arriving at their first date again. He tried not to entertain any hope, but it was difficult when his heart felt like it was on fire with longing.

Scuffling sounds made him look up and he inhaled softly to see Hongbin materializing in the distance, walking out of the shadows of foliage at a bend in the lane. Reflexively, his eyes raked down Hongbin’s body, cataloguing whether he looked healthy and had lost weight. Sadly, Hongbin looked even more rough than he had a week ago the last time Wonshik saw him.

Hongbin had seen him too, but he didn’t look surprised and just continued approaching without slowing his pace. Wonshik felt confused but painfully hopeful and relieved. As they got closer, he could see traces of Hongbin’s stubble for the first time. He never shaved sloppily.

Even in the casual jacket-and-jeans combo he was wearing, Hongbin looked frustratingly more handsome than he remembered, achingly unattainable. Wonshik felt a pang for their short-termed domestic bliss, which he had foolishly not known was paradise until he lost it. Only then did he realise that it was everything he had ever wanted.

An average and mundane life with Hongbin, filled with bickering and laughter — nothing had ever sounded and would ever sound better to him.

 

Hongbin stopped in his tracks when he was a couple of paces away from Wonshik, and Wonshik followed his cue. Hongbin was like a flighty animal he didn’t want to startle away or make bolt. Hongbin’s expression was unsmiling, but it wasn’t fuming like the last time either. It was unreadable, impassive.

He took a deep breath, since the silence was getting awkward. “You… knew you were meeting me?”

His heart soared when Hongbin replied in that dearly missed dulcet: “I’m not an idiot. Few people can fool me. Except…” He trailed off, looking away and seeming to realise what he had said, but the way his ears were red made Wonshik think that he wasn’t saying it in a sarcastic way.

“I messed up,” he heard himself blurting out brashly. He hadn’t planned to launch right into his apology, but there was no appropriate place to start and he was still desperately anxious Hongbin would leave before he had finished hearing him out. Anyway, he didn’t want to make small talk when he had the priceless opportunity to say the things he had wanted to say since the day a week ago when he left Hongbin’s house.

Wonshik babbled unstoppably, the most he had ever spoken at one shot to Hongbin. His monologue was occasionally incoherent, and sometimes nearly too fast to make sense of — but Hongbin listened. He kept quiet, eyes attentive and listened the way he had always listened to every word Wonshik said.

Wonshik told him the whole story from the beginning, the day Taekwoon had summoned him into his office and given him Hongbin’s portfolio filled with his information, all the way up till the day the previous week when Hongbin had finally discovered his identity. He even went a bit further back, giving Hongbin some brief history on how he had come to live in Taekwoon’s house and work at his company. He still couldn’t believe that Hongbin was standing before him, in the flesh, patiently and painstakingly listening to his long-winded explanation and apology. It felt a little surreal, because he hadn’t dared to let himself hope that Hongbin would forgive him today, or even in the near future. But here he was, finally hearing Wonshik out without judgment or betrayal in his eyes.

 

When Wonshik finally, finally let the last word roll of his tongue, he heaved a weighty sigh of relief. Hongbin was looking at him, his eyes revealing nothing, but just the fact that there was no animosity or hint of anger or sadness in his expression made Wonshik’s heart leap like an overexcited puppy. Could it be possible that… Hongbin was ready to forgive him?

“Hongbin-ah.” Wonshik’s voice was hoarse from all the talking and his emotion. Hongbin looked so ethereal in the sunlight that it was all Wonshik could do not to step into his personal space and take him into his arms and kiss him so deeply that Hongbin would forget everything and melt into Wonshik’s embrace. “Could you… ever forgive me?”

“I can’t forgive you.” Hongbin’a matter-of-fact words made his heart stop. But he continued, “Because I never held anything against you in the first place.”

“W-what?” Wonshik still found it hard to wrap his head around the fact that Hongbin was answering him civilly for the first time since their confrontation. He felt like he might be having a very vivid dream. “But…”

“I know I acted like I did. But that was just my pride and ego and bravado speaking. I couldn’t hate you even if I tried.” His tone was self-deprecating.

“Hongbin-ah…” Despite knowing that he shouldn’t, and Hongbin forbidding him from calling his name again, Wonshik couldn’t help craving the familiar and sweet word on his lips. In the past few months it had become the word that he used most often all day, every day. And yet, every new opportunity to say it still felt like an illicit thrill. “Were you really not angry with me?”

“Rather than angry, I was heartbroken. It hurt more because I couldn’t be angry. It just felt agonizing discovering that you weren’t who I thought you were, and that you were together with me because you were an undercover spy for another company. I always liked to flatter myself thinking that you were with me because of how interesting and attractive I am, and because you found me loveable. So it was a pretty big blow to my delusion.”

“It wasn’t a delusion! I… You are the most interesting and attractive man — person I’ve ever known.”

Hongbin trailed off, looking at him with wide eyes at his words. He looked so desperate to believe Wonshik. It tore him apart that Hongbin was afraid to trust him now. He knew that trust once lost was like water thrown out, almost impossible to collect back again.

“But to be honest, what bothered me most was realizing that you took on such a big risk, such dirty work that few people would agree to for another man. I thought that… he must be someone very important to you. The realization that you had someone else inside your heart, someone who wasn’t me, and that you would do anything for him just drove me… blind with jealousy for a moment. I saw red at the thought and lost control. That’s why I behaved so badly. I was so angry… because that was how important you are to me. So I’m glad you cleared everything up. It really made me feel better to know that you weren’t disloyal to me.”

Wonshik was reeling from Hongbin’s long confession. He didn’t miss the fact that Hongbin was using the present tense about him again, wondering if it could possibly mean what he thought it meant.

“Your behavior wasn’t bad. It was perfectly understandable. I would’ve reacted the same way… if it was you.”

Hongbin peered up at him through his lashes, his heart in his eyes. He looked so worn down and burnt out and vulnerable that it was all Wonshik could do not to wrench him into his arms and never let go.

 

He took a deep breath. “The day I left your house… you said you never wanted to see me again.” His heart was hammering erratically.

“I haven’t forgotten,” Hongbin said quietly. “But you see, Ravi-yah… in the past week, I realized that I couldn’t live without you.”

Wonshik swore he stopped breathing for a second. He couldn’t believe he had heard Hongbin correctly. The way Hongbin had called him Ravi, for the first time since he had discovered it wasn’t his real name, was unreproachful and tender. It melted away, in an instant, everything he had come to hate about his false identity since Hongbin had uttered the name like it was a profanity.

“I wish I didn’t have to eat my words, come crawling back to you like an animal with no dignity. But I don’t have a choice in the matter. I never did from the day we met. I’m sure you’ve already heard from Sanghyuk and Jaehwan, but I’ve been a wreck since you left. I missed you, day and night.”

Wonshik was completely bowled over by Hongbin’s romantic and at the same time completely genuine words. No one had ever said anything like this to him before. No one had ever forgiven or loved him so unconditionally.

“And most importantly, I decided to follow my instinct and trust you because I wanted to. I wanted to believe that some of it was real, that you had come to truly care for me. I doubted at first, because I was so shocked by the truth, but when I calmed down and thought about what we’ve been through together; the information you'd left me in my letter box after I chased you out… I knew, in my heart, that at least some of the warmth we shared was real. I could see it in your eyes. They never lie, even when you try to.”

Wonshik fought back the tears that had filled his eyes. He couldn’t believe how magnanimous Hongbin was being, how he had found another chance to floor Wonshik once again with his expansiveness and acceptance and understanding, knowing his heart even without him saying a word.

“And when you explained everything to me just now, the missing pieces clicked into place for me. I was able to begin to understand… a little of why you did what you did.”

“Hongbin-ah, thank you. I’ll make it up to you, I swear. I’ll be your slave for the rest of my life; I’ll do anything you want me to do —“

“Anything?” Hongbin echoed, and Wonshik’s traitorous heart skipped a beat at the appreciative glint in his eyes, looking like they were laughing silently even though his mouth wasn’t.

“Anything,” he swore passionately, gazing into Hongbin’s eyes.

Hongbin breathed a lovely laugh. “Then I think I’ll punish you… I’ll punish you to stay by my side forever."

 

As they strolled through the park at a leisurely pace, arm in arm, Wonshik wondered why there weren’t any other people meandering around. The serenity was undisturbed except by birdsong and the rustling of the leaves in the breeze.

Hongbin smiled and shook his head. “Knowing Jaehwan hyung, it’s probably because he reserved the whole park for us.”

“Is that even possible?” Wonshik’s jaw dropped. “I thought you could only reserve restaurants.”

Hongbin shrugged, looking amused. “For normal people, maybe not. But Jaehwan hyung is exceptionally persuasive, and exceptionally rich.”

Wonshik was confused. “Then why is he working for you?”

“Did I say he was working for me?” He laughed at Wonshik’s reaction. “He’s so loaded, he doesn’t even need to work. He just dabbles in the stock market for fun. He gives me free financial advice for the company because we’re friends.”

Wonshik stopped walking, digesting the news. “Does that mean he can help out with the company’s losses?” He tried to control his excitement at the thought of a possible comeback for Hongbin and an end to this saga.

Hongbin smiled and nodded. “Not only him, Jaebum and Mark have agreed to back me up on both the Korea and China side, should I need support.”

“Thank god.” Wonshik felt physically weak with relief that his actions hadn’t caused any irreparable damage.

“Of course, i’ll have to file for bankruptcy first…” Hongbin mused, and his heart halted.

“What?”

Hongbin chuckled at the look on his face. “Don’t worry, it’s not as disastrous as it sounds. It’s just a formality really, to cut the losses and stop the bleeding for the moment. And after that, I’ll start to rebuild…”

Wonshik was staring at him, saucer-eyed. “How can you be so cheerful while talking about filing for bankruptcy?!”

Hongbin laughed softly again. “It’s just money, Ravi. Not the end of the world. I wouldn’t have the right to call myself an entrepreneur if I couldn’t take setbacks in my stride and get back up on my feet. And I’m cheerful because you’ve returned to me. I love my company, but I’m sure you know that it’s nothing compared to you.” Wonshik blushed at how unembarrassedly Hongbin spouted such cheesy lines.

“Besides…” Hongbin added, more softly, “I can’t help feeling invincible when I have you by my side. You make me feel unafraid of the future; like I could take on the world.”

 _You make me a better person, too_ , Wonshik wanted to say. He knew one thing for sure — before he met Hongbin, he was a person who would have accepted a job to hurt and hoodwink and betray someone. But after meeting him, he had become a person who could see how wrong that was, admit to and atone for his mistakes graciously. Loving Hongbin had changed him in all the best ways, like only love could change a person.

 

When he told Hongbin about his decision to leave Jung Enterprises, even if he continued to stay friends with Hakyeon and Taekwoon, Hongbin gazed at him pensively and stroked his knuckles, kissing the fading scars from when he punched the wall.

“Now that I know how much that company means to you, I feel bad to make you choose between them and me. You really don’t have to, just because we’re competitors. It’s all water under the bridge now.”

“You didn’t make me,” Wonshik reassured him immediately. “I decided to on my own after thinking long and hard about it. I feel that since we’re twenty-five too, it’s about time to move on to a new chapter in my life.”

“Well, you know there’ll always be a vacancy for you at your boyfriend’s company,” Hongbin winked. “Perks of being a CEO’s sugar baby.” Wonshik blushed and hit his arm.

“I made a choice of my own as well,” Hongbin revealed. Wonshik looked up, curious.

“I broke off my engagement to Jiyeon — my fiancee — a few days ago.”

Wonshik’s mouth dropped open. He couldn’t think of a piece of news that might possibly make him happier. “Does that mean you’re single and available now?” He looped his arm through the crook of Hongbin’s, feeling light enough to skip.

“Only to one person,” Hongbin bantered back gamely, bopping the tip of his nose with his index finger.

 

"By the way, I have something to show you,” Hongbin smiled enigmatically.

Impishly, Wonshik eyed his crotch. “Damn straight you do. Did you bring a condom? I always wanted to try out public sex in a park.”

The way Hongbin flushed blotchily, adorably scandalized and horrified, and started stuttering uncontrollably, made him crack up till he had a stitch. He had almost forgotten how innocent and fun to tease Hongbin was.

Hongbin whacked his arm hard with mock-rage. “I would appreciate it if you could get your mind out of the gutter for one second when I’m trying to be romantic, Kim Wonshik.” He managed to turn the tables with just this line because Wonshik swore he nearly had a eargasm from Hongbin calling his full name so lovingly for the first time. It had been his dream for so long now.

The thing Hongbin wanted to show him turned out to be a tree near the spot where they had their first kiss. “I came back later and carved this into the trunk,” he explained.

Wonshik leaned forward, pressing his hands against the bark and marveled at the clumsily etched heart with the date and _Ravi x Hongbin_ scrawled in the middle, with only one other word: _yongwonhi_.

“You’re right, this _is_ really romantic,” he gasped. Hongbin grinned with pleasure, dimples flashing, then frowned a little. “Do you want me to change the Ravi to Wonshik?”

Wonshik stopped smiling, dismayed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, lowering his head in shame. “I actually… really loved the fact that you were the only person in the world who called me Ravi. The way you pronounced the name made me fall in love with it.”

Hongbin blinked at him, eyes growing shiny. “It doesn’t matter,” he whispered back, completely genuine. “I love calling you Ravi too. It suits you, I think. And no matter what your name is, I don’t really care. Ravi or Wonshik — it’s you I love.”

They both froze at the same time as they simultaneously realized that it was the first time Hongbin had said the words _you I love_.

He seemed to be embarrassed at his confession, plunging on to dissipate the awkward tension. “Although we had to meet this way, I’m just thankful we did. I’ve never met anyone like you, Kim Wonshik. I just want you to know that I don’t regret anything about the past six months — because somehow, despite everything, they were fucking perfect. You’ve made this the happiest time of my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.”

And, Wonshik realized, Hongbin was absolutely right. In spite of all the misunderstandings, subterfuge and secrets, it had been fucking perfect — the way they had found each other and stumbled into love. He couldn’t imagine a more beautiful or romantic love story. He was breathless, not because Hongbin was being smooth, but because he was being completely sincere. It felt like he was making up for lost time with his sweet nothings and cute little initiations of skinship which made a stroll in a nondescript park feel like they were walking in Paradise itself.

 

Wonshik glanced at Hongbin’s side profile, princely as if he had stepped right out of a copper coin. He remembered Hongbin’s confession in his summer house not long ago, how he had unabashedly and without blushing earnestly listed out all the qualities in Wonshik he saw and loved, qualities Wonshik had never known himself to possess.

It was as simple as that, how Wonshik decided that he would be the one to say the three words he had been waiting for first. Hongbin made him want to be uncalculating, patient and generous, fearlessly declaring his heart, sweeping him off his feet as he always did Wonshik. And so, without a script, he promptly started launching into his spontaneously improvised, impulsive confession.

It was rough, not especiallly eloquent or original — he just talked about all the things he adored about Hongbin, in no particular order. His spacey, absent default expression. The way he curled his fingers when he cringed. How his boyish smile was bright and pure as snow. How sexy it was that he was left-handed. The way his eyes scrunched up and crinkled when he laughed with his mouth wide open, teeth blinding and straight. The way he was an expert at virtual games, but hadn’t the slightest idea how to play games in real life. His lush, Greek god body. His bumbling, endearing clumsiness and introverted personality. His gentle nature and awkward, sweet smile. How that smile could somehow look brilliant and pensive at the same time, bracketed by dimples so deep Wonshik could lose himself in them and needed a map to find his way out. How Hongbin's greatest charm was being totally unaware how understatedly gorgeous he was, inside and out.

 

When Wonshik was finally done, Hongbin looked at him for a long time. His eyes were bright with tears. And he had an immediate reply to Wonshik’s confession.

“Wonshik-ah,” Hongbin said simply, gazing deeply into his eyes. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would be so happy if you clicked to the next chapter to read my author's notes, thank you!


	7. notes

so there's something I really wanted to say but deliberated on it for the last few chapters because if I don't manage to express myself well it may possibly make me sound incredibly obnoxious... but because I really wanted to convey it to my readers I decided to take the risk :) The fandom I usually write for is one in which, if one writes for the most popular pairing, can easily get around 1000 hits and 100 kudos for a oneshot if the fic is good (I'm not talking about my own fics but other writers', although I've occasionally been lucky to experience such love). although there are still other fandoms whose fics get more hits and kudos, I was aware that it was already a very significant number and felt extremely blessed. I guess I got so used to it and spoilt by the massive figures that I didn't really bat an eyelash anymore when I got hundreds of views and more than 50 kudos immediately for a one-chaptered fic. I'm ashamed to admit I might have taken it a little for granted.

knowing this, you'd think that for the number of average hits I got per chapter this fic (slightly more than 100) and the number of kudos on 5 chapters being around the same as one chapter for the other fandom, I'd feel disappointed and unfulfilled writing for vixx. but I was surprised to find myself feeling the exact opposite - in all honesty, it's been such a rewarding experience and week writing my first vixx fic. writing this fic reminded me of the terms "labour of love" and "writing for myself", its been so long since I felt the pleasure and enjoyment of writing a fic for a (relatively) small group of readers and myself, and this fic really reminded me of why it's so important to me that I write first and foremost for myself, however cliche it may sound. of course my biggest priority is pleasing my readers, but what I mean is that I realised I don't like writing for a particular pairing just because it's popular and will guarantee me more kudos, when I might have more feels or inspiration for a rare pair which has less shippers and readers. (I've tried it before so I know, I'm not the kind of writer who is skilled enough to write plots or pairings I'm not feeling so it's obvious when I'm not writing something I ship with all my heart haha) I realised that it wasn't that important to me how many kudos or hits I got, because idk about readers but this AU and this fic has taken up such a special place in my heart that I really can't imagine it for another pairing, or the characters as different members.

another reason why I felt so rewarded writing this fic was because, as you can plainly see, the number of kudos I got in ratio to the average number of readers is amazing, incredible. it means so, so much to me that apparently more than half the people who read this fic liked it enough to give kudos, even before it was finished. it's not that I don't appreciate the kudos I get on my fics which have more than 100, but for some reason every single reader of this particular fic felt so close to me. I really felt like I was being read on a level so intimate that I could physically feel the presence and enthusiastic interest and passion of the group of readers who were reading this as I posted (yes, even the guests and silent readers!), from how promptly they kept up with my intensive updates, as well as the miraculous number and /quality/ of comments I received, as I'm sure all readers can see. the level of interaction with my commenters is miraculous for the "number" of readers for this fic. some fics get tons of hits and kudos but their writers aren't even as lucky to get a fraction of the feedback and connection I've had with my readers.

I feel like this is making less and less sense I'm sorry... but I really had the feeling of a musician playing to a smaller crowd/audience, the advantage of being able to have eye contact with every member of the audience which wouldn't have been possible with a stadium of fans at a concert, for instance. it's not that I don't appreciate every single individual who reads and kudos and comments on my other fics because I really, really do, but for reasons I don't understand fully myself I felt so much more appreciation for this fic's readers; they just felt indescribably special :") even for my commenters, I felt that within the span of one or two comments I got to know a little bit of them from their thoughts and insights and how they warmly welcomed me and fangirled with me about the plot and characterisations and head canons :)) I've just... never had an experience as lovely and unique as writing this fic and I really wanted my readers to know that. no matter who you are or when you read this fic, even in the future, if you read the whole entire thing, I feel such a magical bond with you (that I would be honoured if perhaps you felt a little of too) ;; I know its a very time-consuming commitment to read 35k words and that's why I feel so grateful to my readers for their patience, support, generous praise and emotional investment in this verse that could rival mine. this verse really came increasingly alive for me from chapter 1 to 6 and now the characters feel very much real and warm, without a doubt because of my readers who discussed them with me and loved them as I do and breathed life into them and this universe :)

I can't believe I exceeded the word limit for the notes box and have to post this in an extra chapter but thank you so much if you read both the fic and my nonsensical rambly notes to the end, I don't even know if what I just typed makes sense or sounds offensive or awkward but I was just bursting with love for every single reader of this fic and wanted to not only thank them for all the hours they've devoted to reading these chapters so painstakingly and passionately, but also let them know exactly why they've brought joy to my life. in short, to every reader who joins me at any point of time in his verse, I just want to say - it's been an irreplaceable experience, nothing short of magical. thank you for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> i've been a starlight for a while now but this is my first fic for vixx, so i welcome and appreciate any constructive feedback on characterisation, any other inaccuracies or just my writing in general! :) although you guys might not read this, this is dedicated to my bunch of ahgase friends who are also into vixx and fangirled with me before, as well as any of my subscribers who also happen to be in this fandom, or even those who aren't but read this anyway because I wrote it!
> 
> random fun fact: this fic is situated in the same verse as my got7 fics lagoon and lapis lazuli, so i'll probably mention mark and jaebum later on but only once and briefly haha


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